WURSTWRITER

Tom's blog of whatnots and other stuff

Category: Blog

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  • What's The Big Deal

    apple tax evasionIn a parallel universe far, far away there is a parallel Marie Antoinette, who is both a grand queen and a successful HR executive in a parallel corporation, yelling at the voter-pawns below her Chateau balcony made of mahogany, gold and Apple iPad aluminium scraps. While simultaneously practicing the skill of sucking golf balls thru a garden hose–you know, the skill required to keep a king as husband–she yells:

    “Oh!” She waves her free hand in the air, lifting her swollen lips from the end of the hose. “I say… (short pause) to my human resources below…. (long pause), let them… (shorter pause than before), let them pay taxes and forget the cake.”

    Of course, the italics is interpreted different ways in the parallel universe scholar circles. But most agree that she is referring to voter-pawns in a very condescending way. Go figure.

    But seriously. What’s the big deal? A CEO has appeared before you. And not long ago another CEO appeared before you. Indeed. Wasn’t the whole BS a few years back about GE (2010?) not paying taxes enough? Or is the real issue that the united mistakes congress has to somehow show its voting-pawns that it’s actually doing something. To a voting-pawn it doesn’t matter here or there if what they are being shown is big crock of dodo pellets. But then again, the freak show the congress put up this month, licking the shaved mini coconuts of Steve Jobs Heir-Apparent and pseudo CEO Tim Cook, was embarrassing. It wasn’t embarrassing for Apple or the Mr. Rogers look-alike that Cook is (has become). No. It was yet again embarrassing for the voter-pawns. That’s right. Das dysfunctional Volk that believes to the core of its over stuffed bellies and lazy-boyz that it’s #1 has yet to actually realise that what Apple is doing, along with all the other globalised entities of the New World Silly Putty Order, is what voter-pawns have been voting for all their lives. The American’t political and economic machine is well greased these days. It is a well tuned V-8 that rolls on the fuel of laurels and it is perfect at taking advantage of idiotic voter-pawns. Yes. The machine told those voter-pawns things that made eyes cry, chests get pumped and emotions driven to new highs. The voter-pawns fell for it all hook-line-sinker and to this day no one has a clue about what has happened. But socialism and communism has been deflated… I mean: defeated. And so, bring mister metro-male, mister perfectly manicured CEO to the floor of the House of Representatives. Let him be praised, given a few tech service questions and then some more praise before the after hour party-worship begins. For it is the after-hour congressional party and only that party where any congressional dunce can make a direct inquiry regarding the keys and whereabouts of John Galt’s Gulch. Rule and govern on, suckers.

    All worst-kidding aside. The big deal about Apple and any other corporation’s ability to off-shore money is that it achieves more than paying fewer taxes. It achieves putting the burden, i.e. the cost of a country on the shoulders of someone else. And so I wonder/think about the wars supposedly fought to protect Apple (and fucking Steve Jobs) so it can do what it does. And now the country sits around lavishing in austerity, a middle-class has been purged and will never again have what has been stolen from it. But does anyone care about that complexity? Hell no, mothafucka. Now get yo dirty stickin paws off my iPhone.

    Article links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Going Down

    Candelabra

    Denial. Repression. Avoidance. Lie. Project. Ah, growing up in American’t. Where would I be today if it weren’t for the child rearing that moulded me? But more on that in minute. I’m kinda pissed at the recent headlines regarding Michael Douglas trying to sell his new movie Behind The Candelabra. The thing is, my mom used to watch Liberace on American TV all the time. He would either be featured as a guest on some variety show or he’d have a show of his own. The man was truly loved on the boob-tube! Of course, at the time (60s, 70s), Liberace’s sexuality was never an issue because 1) where I come from no one ever talked about being gay, and 2) his extravagance represented everything sexually repressed Americans lusted after–in silence, of course. It wasn’t until his death from AIDS, followed only two years later by Rock Hudson’s death, that the whole gay thing became not-so-repressed dinner table chatter. Indeed. It was that lust of silence in closets or under covers, with locked doors, forced entries or forced jerk-offs and the ultimate take the pain until he’s finished, that moulded many a youths perspective on sex in America. I guess with all that it’s no wonder Americans love their guns and their violence and their horror. Nomatter. The truth for me is, looking back, gayness was everywhere–and not just on TV. Growing up in sexual repression is indeed an abhorrent experience. It is a cesspool environment that breeds abuse on a grand scale. In fact, I’m convinced that it is exactly this abuse that is the reason baby boomers have ruined everything in American’t today. I’ll even go so far as claiming that baby-boomers are probably the greatest generation of child abusers in human history–forget the whole Catholic priest thing. And this is all because baby boomers are a bunch of reactionary sexually repressed monsters. But I don’t want to get to far off topic.

    The recent barrage of headlines regarding Michael Douglas’ potty-mouth has an air of trivialisation and superficiality to it that demands explanation. I’m convinced that there is something extreme and deep that Douglas is trying to hide by making such a dubious and frat-boy comment that serves only the projection of what he thinks is his heterosexuality. Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying because Douglas plays a promiscuous gay man and kisses Matt Damon that he is gay. Sean Penn in Milk did the same thing. Yet ask any gay man what turns him off the most. I’ll bet you licking a vagina is at the top of his list. That said, I could give a hoot what Douglas’ preferences are. My gripe at this moment is that he is obviously a sexually repressed man and he has yet to come to terms with that and I don’t feel like putting up with his immaturity regarding the issue which borders trivialising cancer. To say something as ignorant as cunnilingus causes throat cancer is mind-boggling at best and silly at worst. For one thing, is Douglas blaming women for his cancer? Or is he potentially blaming his own promiscuity? Wasn’t he caught up in a scandal before marrying Zeta Jones about being addicted to sex? Of course, there need be no mention of his own personal behaviour that involved making too much luv to cigarettes and alcohol. Indeed. Who knows what. What I do know is that Michael Douglas is a boomer and he is of a generation that taught both repression and abuse. The state of the world today proves that. I only wish that Liberace could have been kept out of this.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Defining Boomer

    Ah, funny begets funny. Funny does not beget comedy. Or? Nomatter. We are a nation of college frat-boy collective humorists. We are probably made on the biblically forgotten 9th day. The forgotten 8th day was for all political conservatives. And so. Is it funny the/this god-send of a post boomer generation? Indeed. The funny thing is, when making fun, good politics and bad politics are the same. And so (again). This whole politics plus making-fun thing looks as though it’s run might never end. That is, it doesn’t seem to be evolving. But could that be because of the/this new & improved entitlement generation consuming it? Indeed. Colbert and Jon Stewart have done their part when it comes to entertaining the masses. But their comedy also does something else. And here’s the scary part. Colbert is (ac)credited with having invented a word: Truthiness. I can’t help but feel that there is a sad irony about such a word. Does it apply to the conservative right-wing politics that he makes fun of? Or does it apply to his humour? Perhaps that’s the difference between making fun of something and making comedy. I’m probably way off base here, but to me there’s a huge difference between comedy and humour. A child-mind is easily entertained with videos of people falling over themselves. But that same child probably won’t laugh much listening to Lenny Bruce. I guess that’s why after a few shows of either Colbert or Jon Stewart, I yawn and cringe at all the people they make fun of who fall over themselves. Should that subtract from their politics, which is the reason for their generational popularity? But I digress.

    Which brings me to the idear of generations. What’s clear in Stephan Colbert’s humour is what he makes-fun of. But then to hear him claim to be part of the generation he makes fun of, well, that kinda confuses me. Again, he invented truthiness. The thing that gets me about the vid below, is that Colbert so casually connects himself to the boomer generation. According to the electronic book of knowledge, Colbert is born in the last year where it’s even possible to be a boomer, 1964. Since I’m just a tick older than he is, that bugs me because I don’t consider myself part of the boomer generation at all. At the least boomers most certainly didn’t let me in their club. Timelines here or there, where the boomer generation begins is probably much clearer than where it ends. Over the years I’ve seen conflicting information regarding what exactly defines a boomer and I don’t intend to split hairs about it (and I should probably not split those same hairs about the difference between humour and comedy). What’s important is that the boomer generation is the greatest club of human greed-mongers, takers and not givers, sex abusers and family destroyers that human history has ever seen. (And I’m still waiting for someone who can make fun of that. Could Bill Hicks be that one?) I consider myself to be in the grey zone between generations. Such a position allows me to see both sides of the coin that is the past and future. On the one side the boomers and the other are those who want to be, and are showing no signs, other than all the wealth their parents and grand parents are hoarding, of being any different. But I reckon now that Colbert is a cultural phenomenon he can damn well claim to be part of anything he wants. Now ain’t that the truthiness. Ha. Ha. He. He.

    Oh, IMHO, Colbert’s best performance was his seething speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents dinner. But I digress.

    Links:

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Schadenfreude 2

    Part 2/2

    The more time you spend as an expat without any direction the more destabilizing effect it will have. The reason? Well. Things tend to not remain hunky-dory – in the cerebral cortex. Add to that the joys of life, i.e. divorce, bleeding bank accounts, being stuck in a place that has almost perfected the state of perpetual unemployment, no future, etc., and all is not well. The debacle of starting over in another land will ultimately return you to the misery and degradation you were trying to leave. Therefore. You must consider carefully where it is you go. Your status at home where life was supposed to be about being poor and without means will not change if you go to a place that is the same-difference. If you’re asking why I did it, the answer is simple. The complexities of this sort of social engineering go deep, deep, deep under the mantle of what one sees – especially as the greener pastures of hope overrule rational thought. Another thing that makes the mind condone something that is ultimately detrimental is the sheer joy of potentially living in a place where you don’t have to be worried about a neighbor running amok and killing you and twelve others while shooting like a happy banshee his extended magazine until he decides to shoot himself but probably misses because he’s as dumb as a doornail. So without throwing around too much praise. At least the commoners of eurowasteland have gun laws. So. Everybody get on a boat. Time to sail back to the old country. Or maybe not. Anywho. The trauma of expatriating to a place just because there’s less chance of being killed by amok-runners ain’t a good idear. Where it has no guns is has all the rest, e.g. Schadenfreude and reality television.

    If you ever have to live among eurowastelanders there are three things you’ll need to know. And don’t forget, as babylonian as eurowasteland is, a third grade level mental capacity is all you need to understand everything. Knowing the various waste-state languages will only aide in your demise – so don’t bother. If you feel somehow compelled because of the atrocities of your upbringing – thanks Mom! – to actually learn some babel, don’t flaunt it. It will only lead to your understanding the insults and human degradation that old country commoners put on you. But. Let me say at least this one positive thing. The one advantage of expatriating to eurowasteland, other than the gun thing, is that you don’t have to master the babel. In the case of z’germanin, barking is more than enough. The frenchies? Just whisper your barks and perhaps add something melodic to it, like a whining puppy. The spaghetties? Just pray. Etc., etc. If you want or need to eat and maybe have a roof over your head learning at least some of the babel may be of use. If that sounds like a contradiction, it isn’t. But I’m getting off track.

    So let me address three things that you need to know and understand in order to know everything about eurowasteland, how it functions and what it’s all about to expatriate here. The three things are:

    • Schadenfreude (joy of witnessing bad things happen to others)

    • Neid (envy, grudge, jealousy; this is where schadenfreude comes from)

    • Speed traps

    In part 1 I failed to address the frivolity of consuming too much television for the sake of avoidance, protection, learning opera or some other undertaking that provides escape from humanity. The point to it all is trying to face up to the reality that you are, not by choice, a participant in the madness of a match to insanity that really shouldn’t be called society but instead everybody vs. everybody-else. There is something else that you must keep in mind. There are limits to expressing the importance of trying to maintain some kind of hold on humanity and not let the reality televisions and the consumerism it now represents turn you fully into another automaton zombie with or without a career.

    I’ve learned after so many years of expatriating that you shouldn’t give in to the whims of your host country and blatantly adopt its nationality and persona. (This is one of the reasons, btw, I love turks. They practically occupy a country and do not emulate their hosts. Go turks!) Even though it’s frivolous to mention now, especially since it’s been twenty years, it was not my intention to be an expatriate. And unlike my contemporaries I can’t blame my situation on want of a mortgage or a family or even a stable life. But the one thing I do regret more than all the other regrets is that I settled for this. Not only did I go in the wrong geographical and philosophical direction but since I was from the east coast of the united mistakes I should have gone west, more west, westerly  – till I dropped off this flat place. Oh well. There is no sense in mooring over what they say about spilt scotch & milk.

    So I’m here. I’m an expat. There is misery. Oh. I am an immigrant, too. Nomatter. For the sake of posterity, I’m leaving some of my experience behind. Somehow. Chaotically. Don’t worry. You can thank me later. Moving on.

    Here’s something you should keep in mind when considering expatriating. No matter what they say or do, there is no such thing as a social market economy. There is only communism – or there is no communism. Technically the united mistakes of american’t – the bigger brother to eurowasteland – the place I ran from – is a communist state. But it has taken on the rather nebulous and sexy designation of a centralized capitalist economy. These two designations are the byproduct of mother-son, father-daughter or brother-sister relations that overstep all boundaries. Luckily it doesn’t matter what you call it. It’s all just fancy code for communism. So. The difference between social eurowasteland and the centralized united mistakes is that the welfare provided by eurowasteland is for the purpose of keeping the hordes that actually gave the world communism – and Mayday parades – at bay. The united mistakes’ uses its to prop-up the useless playboy rich who are by now in their second or third useless (de)generation.

    Got that.

    Oh. And. Don’t worry. You can feel relieved. I’m not a communist. If you take one thing from this babel it should be: I am probably the only true capitalist that you will ever experience. So take heed. Mark it in your calendar. Send flowers. Occupy me. For. I live in communism but am a class-fighter in search of true capitalism. What a sad state of affairs, eh. So I say. Down with the useless and inbred classes. Rise up and resist the call of Schadenfreude. Which brings me back to my semi-thesis.

    Schadenfreude and Neid. How to deal with them? They are the two things you will not be able to avoid. Of the limited amount of language that you need to learn those two words should probably be at the top. Have I made that clear in all this running-on? Another good word isFernweh but I’m probably confusing you by mentioning it here (it is one of my favorite words, though). You can reduce the physical and mental effect Schadenfreude and Neid have on you if you are careful. One way to do it is to give-in and be entertained. For that I refer you onward. The other way to do it is to drive. That’s right. Remember cars and television from? Full circle, with a few twists? And it all brings me to speed traps–the grand way to fill the coffers of the State. Nuff said there, eh.

    In closing, and for those interested, below is what a German speeding ticket looks like. The good thing about getting such a ticket is that a policeman will never give you one. Nor will you, unless you drive to extremes – which can only be done if you can afford the horse-power – ever face a judge when you get one. All you do is drive, deal with a country that drives with the brake pedal and also that cultural phenomenon that is a cesspool of Schadenfreude and Neid. Oh, and don’t forget to smile for the picture is inevitable. The only thing that’s left is to wait a little while longer till the postman brings you this (see below). All is well. Good luck.

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

     

  • Google Skynet

    Watched part of 2013 Google I/O yesterday. Wow. That was weird. Is it me or does Larry Page look a little like an ageing Terminator from Skynet that didn’t pass quality control? He certainly has a voice of a Terminator (caused by vocal chord paralysis). I was wondering if, at the end of his keynote yesterday, he’d say “I’ll be back”.  Anywho. Some believe that no other tech company in the world could be the real version of Skynet from the movie Terminator. Think again.

    Other than his strange stage persona, including a really weird form of eye hopping that culminated in looking up to the ceiling to get answers to questions, Larry Page might just be the quintessential computer scientist. Either that or he’s completely beaten-out Zuckerberg at being the new Steve Jobs. Wait. Scratch that. At the least, Page seems to be more of a tech geek than Bill Gates and Steve Jobs combined, forget Zuckerberg. But will that also be his downfall? The expectations the industry has for this guy must be overwhelming. Are rivals shivering in their boots? I think not. But there was a moment during a question and answer session where Page talks about the difficulty working with Oracle. The way he spoke about Oracle was both condescending and demeaning. Was Larry Ellison watching? Anywho. I have to admit, I’ve been following Google recently and this company is the only company doing ANYTHING in the tech world today. Seriously. Laugh–as so many do–at Google Glass or Google Car, but there is no denying, compared to all the others in the tech industry, including Apple and Microsoft, this company is not standing still. Reason enough to be afraid, very afraid when the Google machine becomes aware and sends its first Terminator back in time to kill the mother of the savior.

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Infantilism vs Economic Conscription

    uncle sam bathing suitWill never forget the visit I made to a US military recruiting centre. Johnny Gun-Ho was my recruiting officer. He was a Marine that had no problem explaining to me the inferiorities of the Army and the Air Force. He even took the time to explain the inferiorities of the Navy, which belong to the Marines, he added. For Johnny, the only thing that was important was that the Marines were the ones to go in before anybody else. Anywho. I went to Johnny at the behest of my government and my high school, the latter having taken special care to remind those who “qualified” (I was already 18 as a senior) to perform my patriotic duty. Keep in mind, a few years prior, I reckon in an effort to reassure Das Volk that Vietnam was indeed over, the US government changed the laws regarding military conscription. But then again, the United Mistakes didn’t really get rid of the draft, now did we? Indeed. What the US did was simply change the draft from being compulsory to being an ultimatum. In other words, millions of men who would forever be trapped in the overwhelming culture of greed that their parents (baby boomers) enabled by electing consume-to-survive to replace the now failing American dream, faced that ultimatum. Either you worked your life for mediocrity and low wages or you went to college in order to become a salesman, a pawn of a dipshit corporatist boss or you subjected yourself to the reality of economic conscription, joining the greatest military on Earth.

    Economic turmoil was not the only result of squeezing American’ts in order to grow and enhance empire. There was something else going on as well. The country was in a self perpetuating state of infantilism. All one had to do was go to any university campus to witness this infantilism first hand. Along with that, once Reagan got his fangs in the US’s neck, the leech of our future was unleashed to feed on the host forevermore. A country of young adults that would never grow beyond their parents house or the dorm room paid for by their parents. And, of course, if you couldn’t afford the luxury-excess of learning how to be greedy, taught systematically by American’t for profit university system, there was only one other choice. Johnny Gun-Ho meet Buck Down On His Luck Rogers. Oh, and btw, Johnny can also recruit Betsy Down On Her Luck Rogers, too! That’s right. All’s fair in luv, war and perverted family values corrupted by silly idears like feminism and equal rights.

    Indeed. America is no longer a melting pot of culture and creed and idears and ingenuity and merit and achievement. It’s now a cesspool of economically strapped morons that can’t figure out how to get their asses out of the wet, soggy, rotting paper bag they’ve gotten themselves into. So why should anyone question our empire building and a military fighting for profits for the rich and soldiers never again fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves and at the same time raping our sisters stuck in the same sinking boat? According to reports (see links below) there have been 26,000 (2012) cases of sexual abuse in the greatest military on earth. And that’s up from 19,000 (2010). Yeah, mix never being able to grow up with empire building, baby. And stop looking for blame within the obvious.

    Links:

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Bottom Slippery Slope

    In the movie “In The Line of Fire” the bad guy (John Malkovich) makes what looks like a double barrel .38 caliber hand gun out of plastic. (Sarcasm on.) How original will new fangled 3D gun makers get? Oh, and btw, can’t they call it something other than 3D gun printing? Sounds wussy.

    Is it time, dear worst-reader, to try and set some things straight? Articles on 3D gun printing are startin’ to get to me. What’s the big deal here? Seriously. Let the kids have fun in their sandboxes of violence luving galore. Who cares. But then again…

    Here’s your worst-thought for the day: Guns and marriage are the same thing. What do you think about that? Do I need to back that up with some pseudo imperial evidence? Ok. You asked for it. Marriage is an institution and has been around for a long time. Ditto for guns. Marriage is the joining of two things sanctioned by religion and government. Ditto for guns. Guns give the beholder a feeling of power and control over someone else. Ditto for Marriage. Guns are regulated and controlled yet that doesn’t seem to stop their proliferation. Ditto for… Well, you get the picture. And I should probably stop there before I get into the lustful and biological aspect of these two identical things. But here’s another thing about all the gun craziness in American’t today. Since American’t failed miserably to find the right course of action not only after 9/11 but after also “winning” the cold war, that is, since American’t has proven that it can only chose the easy wrong path as opposed to the difficult right path, when it comes to governance, when will people start recognising that they have long since reach the bottom of a slippery slope? Meaning, legislation this or that, it’s probably way too late to legislate guns. At least legislate them enough to stop the carnage that is American’t daily life. American’ts reaction to its own making will forever be the same. Hard looking in a mirror, eh. But here’s a small tip. Instead of staying the same and grieving over (y)our mirrored image, why not try moving to another slope and perhaps one that’s not so slippery. Just sayin’.

    Oh. One more thing. These new fangled 3D printers are cool. But making lego-like guns ain’t nothing new. I had a uncle once that moulded a gun barrel out of plastic in the 1970s. Yeah, it was almost just like what Malkovich did in the movie In The Line of Fire. My uncle’s version was a double barrel but a .22 caliber, the movie version looks like .38 caliber, and you literally held the barrel in one hand and jammed the firing pin with the other. Not as sophisticated as hollywood prop makers. Luckily he never even tried firing it (I don’t think). But he did die in Canada (after running away from American’t). Whatever. Rest in peace, Uncle.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Tricky Hole

    Early morning. Sun coming up. Groggy. I quit drinking coffee and the black tea takes longer to get me going. Quick reddit read woke me, though. Luv Sam Shepard and wish I was in Toronto. Here thoughts churned:

    Not afraid to admit it: Spent most of my adult life dreaming. Big mistake there. But then again, the price (I paid) of freedom and independence is a price worth paying. No matter how poor it makes me. Would do it all again. For there is no greater sacrifice than being true to yourself. If only more people could do that. There would be less “success” in this misconstrued world but there would also be less of the nothingness we have to live with now. Wait. Reverse and twist that. And enough about me.

    The problem with dreaming is that you are basically stuck in a box that has one hole in it. It is thru that hole that you consume your dreams. Not unlike a theatre, the hole being where/how the dream is viewed, dreaming, and especially living for a dream, can be very tricky. In fact, the trick is to not let that hole drive you mad. Well. I found a way to control the madness. It was in the form of documenting. Now this is kind of hard to explain, dear worst-reader, but let’s give it a go. I did not document the dreams, per say. What I did to curb/control the madness of youth, the paradox of freedom and being forced to make a living, was a complete waste of time, but I always grabbed something to write with–either pen and paper or a typewriter. And off to the races to nowhere I went.

    Fast forward 15 wasted or so years. Looking back is ok. I mean, I’m ok with all that I wasted for a dream. Because when I think about the wondrous dreams of someone else, someone who was and still is able to master that hole… I mean his dreams, I am ok. (But I’m back on me again ain’t I? Sorry.) Sam Shepard saved my life when I was about 28 years old. I used to buy his plays to read even if it meant I couldn’t fill up my shit car with gas. I reckon it’s kinda sad I don’t read them anymore. But like I said. That hole beats you down.

    I am forever indebted to this man’s work.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

     

  • A Soul Out Of Glass

    the jerk

    Steve Jobs had the balls to get up on a stage a few years back and declare the PC dead. Long live the post-PC. And what did Jobs replace the PC with? Did you know that if you drop an iPad it will shatter into the most expensive piece of useless industrial art you will ever possess? Unless, of course, in tears you call Apple and talk to them about what you broke. Ironically, and über-profitably, Apple replaces what you broke with a refurbished iPad dropped by someone else and thereby swelling their profit margins. Profitability trickery aside, Mr. Jobs was totally right on one thing in bringing us this delicate post-PC world. Indeed, his glass industrial art objects have outsold PCs and even caused the behomath makers of those PCs to wake up, although they’re still very sleepy. Unfortunatley, for moi, the rigamarole is all for naught. There is one thing that Jobs didn’t do–or should I say didn’t really deliver in his declaration of tech death-renewal. I live with someone that has successfully converted her entire digital world to the iPad, with the exception of her work-PC which she can’t give up because her company hasn’t yet entered the future. But that’s neither here nor there. Without breaking into tears, I can’t tell you how difficult it’s been not getting one of those cute keyboard-less shinny devices. I’m often jealous watching my better-half use her slick iPad while my lap sweats with my MBP on it. But facts and truths are what they are–and sometimes they are painful. The reality for me is that I simply cannot do all my digital work on an iPad. There are two pieces of software that prevent me from moving into Jobs’ false future. One piece should be available soon, but the other doesn’t show any sign of ever being available. What a deal killer. Well. I reckon I’m gonna have to stick it out by continuing to work in the past. With that in mind, let me move on to Google Glass and why I think Jobs’ claim of post-PC was either wrong or premature. BTW, Google and my need for two pieces of software is proving my pseudo-hypothesis correct.

    There are two things in my worst-opinion missing from the post-PC era. One, as mentioned above, is software. The other is kind of confusing. It’s confusing because the things that is missing has been missing all along, even going back to the original Mac. The thing that Steve Jobs missed when he gave the world the iPad and the idear of moving beyond outdated and goliath PC hardware, is that what people really want out of technology has nothing to do with the hardware. And hardware is what companies like Apple, Microsoft, Intel, etc., are all about and have brilliantly marketed to us suckers all along. So there is a strange irony to Steve Jobs making such a claim and delivering a device that proves that all people want out of all this krapp is being able to wear their souls on their sleeve.

    Enter the likes of social-media born NOT of the PC but of (relatively) cheap digital mobile technology. FaceBook + Twitter + GooglePlus + Etc.=social media to the exponential of human communication. What Jobs and his iPad naively unleashed with his misguided tech idears isn’t the cute, flat, shinny, hardware that makes people go wow. It’s the simple accessibility to what used to be referred to as wearing your soul on your sleeve which is the negative of wearing your heart on your sleeve. Yeah, baby. Wear-able technology for the sole purpose of projecting your psychosis in the digital world. And what the likes of Facebook & Co have already proven is that it doesn’t matter if anyone wants to see your digitised psychosis. The human individual will project it all the same–just like it’s always done but now w/out x86 and other improperly priced CPUs, GPUs, RAMs and skuzzy interfaces. And so. Enter Google Glass and a question: has Google been the first, even before Apple, to see the true needs of potential customers? Indeed. Google must know human neurosis better than any company in history.

    I have to worst-admit: I’m impressed with what I’ve read and heard about Google Glass. I’m not impressed for what it does now. But I am extremely impressed for what it looks like it could do twenty years from now. Anyone remember what your first Mac could do? Anywho. For one thing, Glass is proving to me already that I am right putting off getting an iPad. My decision is even beyond the fact that it doesn’t have the software I need. I’ve just always been skeptical if the iPad is really, truly, a post-PC device. Sure. It runs on Apple hardware and software thru and thru, circumventing the traditional PC oligopoly practices perfected by Microsoft and Intel. But Google is proving that the iPad and tablets are at best nothing more than a less expensive and less powerful version of a PC. Which means you don’t need to prefix anything with “post”. It also reminds me of something very similar that has ended up the bin: netbooks. I’m not saying that iPads are gonna end up in the bin. The idear of Netbooks was a disaster and the reason for that is in the oligopoly that gave them to us in the first place. What I’m saying is this: iPads and tablets are not post-PC devices. But Google Glass just might be. Now. I can’t wait to wear my Glass on my wear-able tech sleeve twenty post years from now while working on a proper machine to do this website. Ha. Ha.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Hybrid Hippie

    steve jobs finger

    I mean, come on, this guy was most definitely a hybrid hippie. Meaning: he did all the counter culture shit but there was something else that made him tick. Or? I don’t know. I couldn’t get into the drugs that freed this guy or any of the others I’ve met/known that were freed by them. Obviously, my loss. But. Sucking acid is one thing. Turning that into Apple? That’s something else. I’m wondering this evening if my favourite luv/hate tech guru still has a lot of shit to bring from his grave. No. I think not. This may be it. In fact. I’m not sure I believe this story 100%. (That is, maybe I believe it 73.5%.) I read Isaacson’s biography where he writes about how Jobs rejected Fox News to Murdoch. Why this comes out now, though, is somewhat of a mystery to even my substandard conspiratorial mind. But who am I to judge. Jobs has spoken from the grave and that is that. Or could this have something to do with the upcoming WWDC conference? What? Conspiracy anyone? Even though I don’t believe his iPad was the true, real game changer it was once made out to be. Nomatter. If this story is true then I luv/hate jobs now even more than before. Go tech-hippies, take more acid, the world will be a better place for it.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Moving Backwards

    Subtitle 1: The intricacies of a minimalist computer user with too many choices.

    Subtitle 2: Returning to Snow Leopard

    Note: Been drinking too much. Aka the byproduct of Xmas season and gluttonous living that has reared me. With that in mind…

    Oh, dear worst-reader, it’s been yet another long, moist, obnoxious and humdrum season of bore and be-bored in the Cölner Bay. You know, you would think that by now persons of a certain age would have figured out that just keeping the whole Xmas thing away from children might be a start to raising some people to be human instead of a horde of automatons (that we’ve all become), lusting after things that reveal themselves to be unlustworthy in a few short months. But enough about me.

    This is a post about what I went through to get back to OS X Snow Leopard after installing Lion and then Mountain Lion on my dreary, weary, lolly mid-2010 “13 MPB that has guided me through thick and thin since that day I remember praying to the immaculate tech-god Steve Jobs that I too, maybe, someday, could own one of his elite products that only folk shitting roses can afford. Since he didn’t hear me, thank goodness there was a reduce-inventory-sale and I could finally afford (just barely afford) one of these things.

    Months of deliberation after falling for the BS that Lion was great. This should include the idear that one of the main reasons I could go back to snow leopard was because I have a iPhone 4s, which is my gateway to iCloud. Since the cloud exist above and beyond Apple, i.e. Dropbox, Google Drive, etc., there is no reason to bring down my great hardware with software that runs bloated on it.

    Lion was nothing but a cash grab where faulty software could provide a bridge to Mountain Lion, which would be yet another cash grab, and would complete the promise of some sort of OS where the spinning ball isn’t the prerequisite of turning on your computer.

    The process of thinking about, deciding and finally taking the drunken time to downgrading to Snow Leopard.

    My MBP specs and HW configuration.

    Compatibility issues, ex.: ripping music.

    Master Boot Record and the key to starting a process of un-monopolizing the tech industry.

    How to fully erase a corrupt HDD by installing a completely different OS, which impressed me yet again (unbuntu).

    And remember–there is something to being aware of what it is totally unnecessary.

    Rant On.

    -tgs-

  • Almost Defined: Creativity

    Dec. 16, 2012

    Installment #38 – Almost Defined – Creativity

    There is a (inner) battle to understand creativity. Below is a recent email exchange with a “friend” that gets a bit into the what-is-creativity thing. Due to the mention of female genitalia, this post (and how many others?) is NSFW.

     

    Dear Old-Friend,

    I spoke to Colleague this morn via Skype. Obviously, due to certain quantities of wine that I aggressively consume on a regular basis, I misunderstood Colleague’s recent email where he mentioned you and I should join him this summer in FL for sailing. The fact that I thought this a most original and creative idear obviously overwhelmed me. Colleague was kind enough to set me stright. He told me that his plan is to sail between Jan and March and not June and July as I initially mentioned to you. Of course, everything is dependent on if anything happens at all. Anywho. Sorry for the misguidance.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    I envy your desire to continue participating in life’s adventures. For me, these desires exist no more.

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Boo-Fuckin’-who, Ebenezer! Lingering economics have caused you to become a humbug. But just wait. I’m on my way over to straighten your ass out. Won’t do it sailing, though. She’s got a ticket to ride, baby. She’s got a ticket to ride and she don’t care. So. Hang in there, OF. I assure you, adjusting to this new way of life and having no regular pussy in bed is not the end of all ends. Or do you have some regular pussy? Nomatter. Gentelman don’t talk, eh? Let’s skype soon.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    No regular pussy my friend. I’m single now. Remember? BTW, have to work a few hours. Remember those days of working for a few hours? With that in mind, give this article a read. It’s staggering the number of people employed at these retailers and yet between 1978-2011 there was no more than a 6% increase in income. Man, no wonder we are moving so fast to the 2nd world and  government is in debt.  Where is govt. revenue supposed to come from? They get paid shit and many pay no taxes, just like Mitt Romney said in that 47% video.  But why are we focusing on them not paying taxes and not on what their measly salaries are?  Could Obama have rephrased that statement about 47% of Americans “taking” from the system instead of paying into it? No wonder he lost.

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Good article. And. Hope I don’t veer too far off topic. There’s a saying over here that I’ve lived by for some time now: it’s not worth it to work. Europeans on a massive scale know this. Why Americans don’t seem to get it is a mystery to me–especially since Americans and Europeans are basically the same globalised zombies. Does anyone refer to what they do for a living as a McCareer or McJob? People in Eurowasteland have used such terminology since I got here. Even when I made money at those dipshit jobs for corporations and consulting companies, I knew from the get-go that working for a living was never going to get me anywhere. But beyond the issue of earning money, there is one other very important thing that no one talks about: the human cost of desperation. America seems to be choosing to become poor, or, as you put it, resort to being a 2nd (if not 3rd) world country. That means that America is literally being transformed into a place of desperation and I wonder if anyone has even noticed it. Of course, I attribute this to the conservative mindset that has ruined everything with the advent of perpetual wars of choice, empire building, deleting the manufacturing base, false morality, etc., etc. Say what you will about the working poor and their measly minimum wage jobs, but in my opinion the problem hasn’t anything to do with that. Unless, of course, if one considers how so many live beyond their means. Indeed, Ameircan’t is a place of entitlement through and through. And last thought: One would think that imminent demise (sinking ship) warrants some humility.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    Interesting how you say there is no point to work then you say people live beyond their means and are living in a place of entitlement. I would need to know what you mean by entitlement.  As for “work” it is human to create… Work associated with creativity and the desire to do something is just fine and what most people aspire to. It is just that the compartmentalization of work has removed most of what the average person would think of as enjoyable productive work they aspire to.

    So it goes.  But work in and of itself is to generalized a word to explain the desire to do something useful and productive.  Once upon a time nearly all “work” was just survival.  Iindustrialization changed that.  But just cause we don’t farm or milk cows or grind grains or perserve and hunt meat for our “work” does not mean work has no usefulness.

    Being outside of “work” at this stage of life, I must admit I don’t understand it as I used to.  But then again, my “work” was very different then most, including my employees, but as a small company everyone did play a direct role in our success/survival.

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Obviously you and I have a different perspective here. Let me address “entitlement”. This is an issue that really gets under my skin. Look at it from a macro point-of-view. This started with the baby boomer generation. No generation has been given more and paid so little for what they have than the boomers. The whole political discussion today about the need for government to reign in on its debt thereby taxing the rich, the only source of revenue there is as the US manufacturing base has been eroded, is really an issue of entitlement. Most of the boomer generation both inherited their wealth and of what they earned beyond that they did so not by, as you put it, being “creative” but by riding on the laurels of their predecessors, who it just so happens were the owners of the industrial revolution.

    I have always admired your achievement in business and your ability to run a business for as long as you did. But I do not equate your achievements with those who, in the parlay of our times, “work for the man”. There is now a generation of Americans who must follow the boomers and these are the least creative people(s) probably in human history. The only thing these people do is consume. Hence, they have perverted the whole concept of “work” and most certainly none of them have anything to do with creativity. In fact, I like to call them Behaviorists because that is the only thing they know and it is all their parents, the boomers, were able to teach them. How to behave. Now to bring things full circle. We live in times of consume-to-survive. Those who survive better than others are the ones that don’t, somehow, rock the boat, they behave properly, go with the flow, they hope, they are optimistic and in the end, as we are seeing before us, they create nothing. This is where my attitude of valueless work comes from and, hence, is best explained by understanding human behavior. And, btw, it is not innate human behaviour to create or be creative. It is human behaviour to survive. Creativity has nothing to do with work.

    Missed you the other morn on Skype. Will try again in a few hours but it will also be late here.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    Ahhh, I agree with much of what you say except the last line.  That is totally incorrect my friend.  For those who have a passion for what they do, creativity has everything to do with what they do.  It is others who define it as work, not them.

    Behold the truth.

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Ahhh…. back at ya. But you are barking up the wrong tree here about (who is) right or wrong. There is no opinion to what creativity is, my friend. Perhaps, though, you are confusing it withingenuity or enterprise. Obviously, people think that creativity grows (like ingenuity or enterprise). How wrong they are, eh. But here’s a thought. Try to think about creativity as a female thinks about love. Oh, that love could become so misconstrued. Modern females have convinced themselves whole heartily that love is something solid, has mass and physical property and all of that because of it being officially sanctioned by law and institutions. Ah, no wonder the feminine is so lost and her only recourse is to emancipate from the ignorance and incompetence of males. Ok. Maybe I’m stretching things a bit. But what the hell. Set me straight. Tell me what creativity is. Until then… Creativity is only known after it has been done, my friend. That means, you can’t wake in the morning and say I’m going to be creative. What ever it is you do that day, if it is creative, it will stand on its own merit.

    BTW, we have had this conversation before, I think.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    It is quite unfortunate you have such a rigid definition of creativity. I can say without hesitation, there is NO “merit” behind creativity, none whatsoever. Creativity is undefinable in narrow terms. The most valuable thing humans can share is their creativity, both “what” they create, and the “process” of creation, on an individual level. For those who “create” and love what they do, they do not use the word “work”, those from the outside with narrow viewpoints of what it means to contribute in life may try to frame everything in the terms they are familiar with and it is very likely those people don’t have a creative bone in their body. There is NO connection between creativity and judgement by others to determine “merit” or value or anything else.

    I could give a million examples of what I am trying to explain, but if you insist on seeing the world from the lens of whatever it is that forces a perspective of life where all people are working for nothing and that work has no meaning, then there can be no discussion because if this is your view of work and creativity, there is no point for existence at all.  Everyone should just commit mass suicide and end the planet of us useless creatures of meaningless pursuits.  Although I consider myself in this last category, I don’t assume you do.  Maybe being locked up over there in Europe (what do you call it now, “Eurowasteland“?), in a large machine of mass production for export around the world by cultivated and well-dressed zombies, all existing in their own blind bureaucracies, has snuffed out your ability to perceive or understand there are people out there who exist on their creative endeavors and refuse to have their lives directed by the bureaucracy.

    Just adjusted my collar, gettin’ warm here. You?

    Give me a few days before we try to Skype again. I’ve got a lot of running around to do during the hours you’re awake. Have two appointments during the next two nights, as well.

    But I await your response with gusto.

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Ok. This is now an issue of semantics? Not between us, eh?

    And. Touché, Old Friend. Your comments about Eurowasteland and zombie bureaucracy is spot on. Thanks for that. But…

    Come on, dude. Creativity is something sacred. Don’t put it out there like an advertising catch phrase, you know, like the word entrepreneur. This sentence you wrote best encapsulates why we don’t understand each other on this issue. “There is NO connection between creativity and judgement by others to determine “merit” or value or anything else.” What? Are you saying the people that pay millions of dollars for a Picasso painting aren’t being judgemental? Are you saying that the people that invest in (some, not all) silicon valley start ups aren’t being judgemental? Obviously, venture capitalists cannot afford to rely on pure judgement, due diligence is an important part of their investment decisions. Still, companies like Instagram–a silly little photo application for smart phones–was fairly creative in figuring out how to socially network picture taking. So you see, I reckon there is some creativity out there. (BTW, Instagram has been subsequently gobbled up by FaceBook because, IMHO, Instagram was a threat to FB’s creativity.)

    So you’re saying that a person can just wake up in the morn, do something, and claim he/she is creative? And no one has the right to judge that, not even markets? Ok, then. And hey, why you’re at it, high school Arts & Crafts is part of being creative, right? And what about the plague of amateurism that is now synonymous with professionalism which is synonymous with careerism, etc., etc.? This is all another great example of a new level of bullshit referred to by some as a “distortion field”. Everyone lives in their own little distortion field, man. (Except me, of course ;-). Steve Jobs, btw, will most likely be credited with putting distortion field into your vocabulary (what historical irony that will turn out to be). What nutcase do you think gave us the bullshit word entrepreneur? I’ll bet he was creative, eh?

    Would love to hear a few of the millions of examples that you refer to as creative. Do tell, dear Olf Friend, who and what in your world is creative? And try not to be too judgemental.

    Regards, WW

     

    Dear WW,

    Once again you do nothing but judge here then tell me not to be judgmental?  Once again, your entire point is a complete contradiction. Sorry, but yes, all those things you shit on are creative, HS arts, somebody creating a new basket weave. That is creative.  Why are you thinking only like a banker?  That is pure BS. And why do you bring up the word Entrepreneur?  What does that have to do with creativity?  Taking money from one person and giving it to another and keeping the difference?

    Yes there is creativity in technology, but big fucking deal. That is just one element of where creativity lies. Those “entrepreneurs” that exploit that creativity are business people and creativity also spurs innovation in business. I.T. is everywhere man.  But it does not define creativity. A fucking painting that sells for millions is fine, but that is subjective as well. There are thousands of good bands out there at any given moment, but the industry will decide who is “great” and you damn well accept that “great” to them is nothing but what they can press out of the machine to make lots of money, not unlike a painter (i.e. the art world). What on earth does the price of a painting have to do with creativity? Nothing, nada, shit! Unless you are a banker or an art dealer/broker. Where did you start valuing everything on what it’s value is in the “market”?  The “market” in the US and all capitalist systems drives EVERYTHING  to the lowest common denominator. That is what pure capitalism will do. Look at America, the perfect fucking example of when all of what is put out there by the capitalist machine is shit. There is a very very very old concept in economics my friend and it is “bad money drives out good”. Google that and get back to me on what the capitalist system and the price of something has to do with creativity.

    Still hot under the collar?

    C u, OF

     

    Dear OF,

    Ok. I’m a walking talking contradiction. But I’m also simply questioning how you define the word “creative”, which borders on banality. I threw in the word entrepreneur in the discussion because, like so many other catch-phrases, it no longer has any meaning (although I’m skeptical it had any meaning from the get-go). Another word that has been rendered meaningless because of it’s marketing value or it’s ease of use is the word amazing. Just count how many bimbo-brians use the word amazing out there. They throw it around about stuff that isn’t anywhere near amazing. But that’s what happens to people who like to hear themselves talk. I guess. (And as opposed to people, moi, who like read their own worst-writing!) Anywho. I don’t want this trivialising happening to words like creative. Even though I’m sure being a creative entrepreneur must be amazing.

    No. Sorry, dude. Basket weaving is not creative. But if you convince yourself that it is, and then in the next superficial conversaton you have is about Salvadore Dali, and you don’t know what to say, well, then all I can do is look to the heavens, roll my smart-ass eyes and mumble: whatever floats your boat, rocket man.

    Ah, a distortion field is like a warm comforter and hot coco, eh!

    If you put the effort into it, then you could probably better serve your beloved basket weaver by calling them a busy-body or, if you must, entreprenurial–I’ve long since given up on that word anywho. Yes, dear Old Friend, I’m taking the high road here, I’m being very arrogant about this. I do not see any validity in belittling people who are truly creative with those unable to get out of their own delusions.

    Btw, would you like to try and redefine what the word “subjective” now? You write: “A fucking painting that sells for millions is fine, but that is subjective as well.” What the fuck are you talking about? Is the money being paid for the picture subjective? Is the picture subjective? Is the man on the moon riding the purple unicorn subjective?

    Also, the price paid for a painting isn’t what makes the painting creative. But I’ll also bet you that the painter that painted the painting that some was willing to pay a million bucks for didn’t run around spewing to the world how creative his basket weaving is.

    Yeah, hot under collar, as well. But it’s kinda reinvigorating.

    Thanks for the exchange. Can’t wait for the next one.

    W/love, man, WW

    -end-

    Note: this is the end off WW and OF email transaction. Names, places have been withheld to protect the innocent. Follow up is possible. Looks like FL sailing is out for next summer.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

     

  • Moon Landing Cap'n Crunch

    Update: For those interested in skipping all the worstwriting and getting right to my debunking of conspiracy theories, just scroll down to “Debunking”. Also. Since posting this I’ve come across a wonderful YouTube video by someone who debunks much better than moi. It’s at the end of this post. Thank you for your patience.

    One thing I’ll never forget from this worst-writer journey, dear worst-reader, are the crazies. I’m referring, of course, to the people of this world who, although they seem normal, are really on the brink of mental and emotional collapse. As far as I can tell there are two types among these worldly crazies. There are those willing AND unwilling to play the game. Then there are those who substitute belief and faith for choice and free will and think they are somehow either not playing the game or they are outside the game watching/judging those in the game. There are so many of these people in the world that it’s no wonder the new-world-order ethos is nothing more than a über-candied, colorfully boxed breakfast cereal along side an unfinished bowl of the same stuff.

    Facetiousness aside, there is no need to blame Trix or Tony The Tiger for all the craziness of this world. But then again, there are two generations of sheople–post baby boomers–unable to break from the past, hence, the popularity of conspiracy theories. For me, conspiracy theory started with a small paperback titled “Subliminal Seduction” which detailed how the powers-that-be manipulated a population of gullible consumers. Then came the fluoride in drinking water thing, which to this day I still don’t get. And don’t forget the various and vast conspiracies behind inoculations? Oh, and here’s the über conspiracy of them all. Anyone remember the United States government crashing a <fill in your mass destruction device here> into the world trade center in lower Manhattan? I mean, come on, seriously, governments and SPECTRE have time for all this stuff, right? Evil bureaucrats and mouth foaming capitalists are at this moment trying to figure out ways to pump our bodies full of stuff in order to control us (for what ends doesn’t really matter). They are also hard at work creating all the krapp we watch (TV), listen to (radio) and masturbate to (The Internets). Is there a grand conspiracy behind all this? Indeed there is. Or. Could there be some truth to the conspiracy that someone tainted the Fruit Loops?

    I ate way too much Cap’n Crunch growing up and to this day I suffer from chronic crunch mouth. With that bit of info, thank goodness I question blind authority as much as I question conspiracy theorists run amok. And my questioning has lead to one conclusion only: human nature is a real bitch.

    Obviously, for me, gorging my body from pre-teen thru adolescence on industrial cereals wasn’t such a bad thing. But that only proves some physiologies (and mindsets) are less susceptible to environmental and biological manipulation than others. Also, we must not forget, my profession is that of being a dropout who is still tuned-in. One of the peeves of my career is that I am up for at least two honorary PHDs as Worst-de-Facto Observer. That is, I am a chronicler for the rational minds of the future (may those minds come to be). So when I started to meet the crazies that weren’t as lucky as I, who have long since given-in (and tuned-out) to the effects of Cap’n Crunch, fluoride, Happy Days, Rush Limbaugh, Building #7, etc., I was humbled. Not everyone can be granted a license to rant about truth. For the truth is the only constant in this universe–even though there are those who would think/imagine otherwise.

    And so, 1.

    Having found the glue that binds all crazies to this plain of our (meta)physical universe, it is only right that I expose the grandfather of all crazy conspiracies here with no further adieu. It goes like this: There are people who really believe that no man has ever set foot on the surface of the moon. (Un)Fortunately it’s hard to differentiate the crazies from the stupid. The thing that has shocked me with all the non-empirical research I’ve been doing (as worst-chronicler), is how many crazies there actually are who believe this krapp. Indeed, the significance of this new-world-order of denialists and conspiracy theorists is that they draw a lot of mindless sympathy because they sound as though they are, somehow, anti-establishment and freshly crowned grand questioners of the status quo. Oh, how acceptance reeks of mob rule with tongues waiting to be licked and credit cards waiting for their next approval code.

    And so, 2. 

    When Neil Armstrong died in August of 2012 all the crazy stuff that I’ve been hearing sporadically for the past twenty-plus years started churning again. For those already laughing because you still believe in all this conspiracy/denial nonsense regarding the moon landings–and I haven’t provided enough evidence yet to turn you back to reality–just give me a few more worst-words to show you some truth.

    Queue violins, oboes and other sad sounding devices.

    It took a while but eventually the consequence(s) of subjecting myself to being a foreigner and an immigrant set in. Combined with a variety of expats–some befriended, some not–from various parts of Eurowasteland and Assasia, a world opened up to me not only of other cultures, but also a mindset beyond consume-to-survive suburban-hell that is my beloved America. This, combined with being a skeptic and unbeliever reared in a militaristic and authoritarian 20th century, I thought that other horizons would at least be entertaining if not greener. I even thought those horizons would be a bit rejuvenating. Oh, how wrong I was.

    A bit of context now–and excuse me if I rehash how I became worst-writer. 

    The only problem with my expatriation was the fact that I went in the wrong friggin’ direction. I went east when I should have gone über-wester. I chose regression as opposed to progression. I picked the lesser of two evils when I should have chosen eviler anew. But I reckon that’s what happens when youth is allowed to run wild–or when youth is left so few choices because “opportunity” has been turned into a commodity that is held imprisoned within geographical cages.

    For the longest time I thought I was doing a pretty good job of dealing with my expatriation. Eurowasteland and its megalomania was kind of fun, especially the Fräuleins and the Bier. In hindsight, I had two advantages over others trying to do the same thing. Born of a Prussian mother I was able to quickly embrace the Germanic part of Eurowasteland culture. The second advantage was that there was no turning back. Considering where I came from, especially including the parenting we all cannot pick and choose, I took a life gamble and lost. But I wasn’t about to renege on my commitment. Suffer if you have to, redneck nomad, but man-up nomatter what happens.

    Enough about me (almost). 

    I watched other expats who did not fare as well in their travels. For example, a lovely Korean named Su fought an intense internal battle with the reality of having to live with potatoes, meat, sauerkraut and Germans. I watched Turks growl earnestly while facing Euro-Christians and their fear based bigotry and intolerances. I even watched a few Americans lose their cool over Germanic obedience and misconstrued Ordnung. But the cream of all this expatriation confusion came in the form of Russians.

    It is important to note that my expatriation began a few months before cultural and political hell broke loose in the world. I left America as Glasnost and Perestroika were in full bloom. I arrived in the Eurowasteland section known as Germanland in the summer of 1989. That fall the German Wall separating east and west came down. I was right in the middle of Euro euphoria excess and fear. As everything started to unfold, from the opening of West German embassies in the east, to East German guards refusing to shoot people at the behest of Erich Mielke, the proverbial shit was hitting the fan. For weeks no one knew from one-second to the next morning what the hell was going to come of all this. But I suppose, if one wishes to figure out what oiled up the transformation, my guess is it had something to do with West Germans giving East Germans the world’s most stable currency at a 1:1 trade. Yeah, baby. Wanna keep the plebeian from freaking out because the overlords are too stupid to govern in the name of the people? Don’t give them cake (those days are gone). Instead, entice them to go shopping at KaDeWe.

    Seriously. 1 West German Deutsche Mark that was part of turning Mercedes Benz into one of the world’s most well known and respected cars was, with the flip of a switch, worth 1 East German Deutsche Mark that couldn’t give its people those shitty two stroke cars that felt like they were made out of used tunafish cans? You’ve got to be kidding me.

    With that bit of ranting behind me, I must give credit where credit is due. Eurowasteland, at least as we end the beginning of the 21st century, is the new cultural melting pot of the world. The fall of communism has not only brought peoples of different political ideologies together but it is also mixing and churning the rich and poor, north and south (as in hemispheres) and ethnicities and creeds like never before–and like no other place on this earth. Not only do people here jostle lives and beliefs and mindsets and a whole bunch of tainted egos, but for the first time they actually are living together without the slaughter that gave us the great wars. That really says a lot for a land mass on this earth that literally is the womb from which the dirty, greedy, bureaucratic, arrogant and selfish West was born. But enough about that chestnut, eh, dear worst-reader.

    Switch to blues music and appropriate devices, please. Let’s get back to conspiracy theories and the age of entertained enlightenment. Oh, and space travel. 

    Yeah. Of all the people I got to know during my expat travels, the Russians are the ones I will never forget. It was a night of drinking vodka out of large wine glasses and smoking Marlboro reds with the butts broken off that I realized something significant. It was simple. These people are crazy. I was the only American at the party and after talking about Russian literature and Trotsky and eating stuffed noodles dipped in vinegar, the subject of the moon landings came up. Remember, even though it was the Russkies that put the first man in space, it was the Americans that took space flight to the next level. I fought off the nostalgic silliness as best I could. And during that night, after a kind of re-enactment of our cold war lusts, I out spent my Russian brethren, I got the lovely daughter of Leningrad in my sleeping bag, and I left the next morning knowing that the world is in for a lot of shit if these people, these new and capitalist improved Russians, get any of the international power that the Soviet Union once had. A few days later enter Yeltsin, who we all know paved the way to Putin. But at least these lovely but naive people introduced me to conspiracy-theory madness galore and their denial that Armstrong ever set foot on the moon. Oh, how the bitterness of losing the space race runs deep and I wonder each day how much that bitterness comes out of the reality that such a fun loving people are doomed to be ruled by under achieving wannabe dictators.

    Anywho. Back to the present and Cap’n Crunch deliciousness.

    When Armstrong died I said one of my non-theist prayers while humming the melody of “Anchors Aweigh,” the US Navy song. Then I read through some news and closed my morning by listening to TWIT #368. And what do I hear on this podcast that’s supposed to be about the week in tech news? Podcaster extraordinaire, Adam Curry, is babbling just like those Russians twenty years ago. When asked if he believed Armstrong set foot on the moon, he replies, calmly, focusing on the microphone in front of his lips, “No.”

    Well, there you have it. Everyone’s entitled to their opine-yon. And the conspiracy to lie to the human race must be true. If you try to follow up where these people get the facts that each and every crackpot has ownership rights to, I’m sure the Internets won’t confuse you. Heck, even wiki has a huge page detailing  moon landing conspiracies. But do I fall for this krapp even now after the great podcaster Adam curry flaunts it? Hell no! Didn’t fall for it twenty years ago and I’m not about to now. And here’s why.

    History will show that instead of celebrating human freedom and achievement after winning cold wars and space races that proved that progress is good, America chose the opposite. It’s no wonder that the conservative repeal of laws governing fair play on radio and TV, that only serve the profits of the owners of networks, lead to the national bitterness and patriotic loathing that so easily coincided with the death of the American dream. By the time the likes of George W. Bush assumed the reign of the new-world-order bent on destruction and oil sucking, it was too late. Not only were American’s drunk on conservative talk but also everyone seemed appeased by this new lifestyle of boredom, monotony, nothingness and conspiracy.

    I had the privilege of witnessing America’s greatness on a black & white TV. I was home from school watching Apollo 14 (1971). Each time NASA shot one of those massive exploding things into space, I was in awe. But the awe was quickly tamed. What was happening to America when I was a young man was so repellent that I had to move away. I have no qualms saying that what I ran from was the ugly conservatism introduced by Ronald Reagan in the 80s. But the worst of it is what Reagan really turned lose on an unsuspecting and gullible nation. Indeed, there is a story to be told about a nation losing its way.

    Debunking.

    Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Here’s the proof: Americans have willingly exchanged intellect and knowledge for brands and status. Americans gave-in to the idears of supply-side economics, the lie of “small government” and the looting of the treasury to fight wars of choice that have only served to enrich the military industrial complex, etc. Americans have been dumbed-down by the life-style choices of grievance, sentiment and belonging (which is what conservatives and mostly republican politicians have been selling Americans so successfully since Reagan). So you see. There is no need to argue over moon photo lighting and angles and shadows or if Stanley Kubrick* filmed most of the lunar missions in a secret NASA studio. All the stuff listed above are the makings of an apathetic society living off laurels. Add to that the boomer generation that thinks it can keep everything for itself… Nuff worst-said, eh. Of course, I am sympathetic to the dumb-downed. For there is still hope that America can continue with “one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind”. Until then, go out and buy something and afterward find solace in your conspiracy galore. And don’t forget to have a bowl of Cap’n Crunch–it’ll help the nerves.

    Update: Here’s a wonderful video debunking much better than worstwriting. Hope the link works: http://youtu.be/sGXTF6bs1IU

    God speed, Neil Armstrong.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

    PS For advice on how to get some awe inspiring crunch mouth, go here. And good luck.

    *My favorite of all conspiracy theories about the moon landings is the one involving Stanley Kubrick. The story goes something like this: Nixon wanted something to show the people in case the astronauts couldn’t make it back from the moon. Supposedly getting to the moon was the easy part. It was getting back to earth that was extremely difficult. The biggest hurdle of the mission was taking off from the lunar surface, reuniting with the command module and then getting out of the Moon’s orbit and navigating back to earth. Nixon is supposed to have called Kubrick personally after seeing 2001 Space Odyssey. Nixon believed that some of the movie was actually shot in space. (Go figure, he was a republican.) Kubrick initially refused the j0b offer. But then one of Kubrick’s camera men mentioned that the US government had a new-fangled camera lens that Kubrick could use in order to shoot low light scenes. Kubrick then said he would make the film if he got to keep the equipment. NASA and the US government agreed. The problem was that the US government could not work with the Diva film maker. There was so much conflict and belligerence on the side of Kubrick that the government eventually gave up on the project. And so… The juice of this conspiracy is in the special lens that Kubrick was allowed to keep after fulfilling his obligation to the government–which means that Kubrick delivered the film(s) of the moon landing(s). The conspiracy keeps rolling after it was revealed that the special lens Kubrick got to keep was used to shoot low light scenes in the film Barry Lyndon.

  • When Banks Ain't Banks

    Subtitle: Irony, Government and the consequence of certain sexual activities that might influence politics.

    This article is NSFW.

    Something startled me recently. The other day I finally realized that I have been paying more and more attention to advertising. Not on TV, mind you. I don’t watch TV anymore. Instead, for more than two years, I’ve been watching nothing but podcasts and various other internet channels. It’s where I get my news and info about everything (because the Internets should also be synonymous with pick & choose). On top of that, over the past two years I’ve read a lot of books about the financial crisis. To me, this crisis was caused by a culmination of a few obvious factors: 1. a greed-mongering society; 2. combine that with a country that has an attention span of old man with full-blown dementia… And so, the advertisement that twisted my thoughts is from American Express. You know, that old cupcake of an American Corpo institution that you never leave home without. Or was that Diners Club? Nomatter. Since the Amex ad played several times during the podcast I was listening to (and since I was raised by that attention span deficit society) it took a while for me to finally catch-on to what it was saying. Here’s my catch-on reaction:

    Wait. That’s an American Express ad for a new online retail banking service. Wait. American Express can’t be a retail bank. Oh, yes. Of course it can. Remember the Bush/Paulson TARP plan? Remember what a Bank Holding Company is as established by the Bank Holding Company Act of 1956? Wait. There’s something wrong here. Indeed, this is America, there is something tragically wrong when a loan shark institution like Amex can also be your friendly Internets neighborhood bank. On the other hand, I reckon that’s the progress the world must pay for to have the likes of fail upwards America running the show.

    Afraid yet? Me either. So. Here a bit of worst-history to sweeten your doom. The Banking Act of 1933 (not the one of ’56 mentioned above) established what was considered to be a safe-guard against irresponsible bankers who had so easily caused the great depression of 1929. Out of this act came FDIC and Glass-Steagal. The first is a government backed insurance agency that most people are familiar with because of those big stickers on bank doors and drive-thru windows that complete the lie that your money is safe. Glass-Steagal was part of that same government trying to establish a wall between the irresponsible bankers and the common folk that were supposed to be holders of savings accounts, i.e. retail banks were separated from investment banks so that when banks fail, as is the case in 1929, depositors weren’t just left with shirts on their backs. Fairly easy to understand, eh? Wait. Hold a sec.

    The Banking Act of 1933 worked fairly well up until 1999–even though there were a lot of banking acts in-between. One particular act stands out with gusto. I like to call it The Great Blowjob Act. This act was sponsored by a woman who doesn’t swallow in a hallway of The White House. But one more thing (or two) on acts before getting into blowjobs. Other than the FDIC, the most important part of The Banking Act of 1933 was Glass-Steagal. This act–post Blowjob Act–was repealed by the Gramm Leach Bliley Act of 1999. Got the chronology? Got the Acts?

    Ok. The repeal of Glass-Steagal is probably the single most important banking act to occur since… Nomatter. It was fought over for years between conservatives (both Democrats and Republicans) and non-conservatives (mostly Democrats). With his questionable White House hallway behavior, the one Democrat that could maintain a non-conservative stance in the government regarding this very important law that would shape the near future, Clinton fell for the The Blowjob Act and then proceeded to brilliantly lie about it before a grand jury, subsequently compromising the only power he had to do one last worthwhile thing before his presidency ended. Literally caught in the act, he did not veto the bill that would allow 1929 to happen all over again. And that says a lot for two people getting it on in a hallway, she on her knees and he standing above as the commander and chief. I mean, other than running the free world and determining the financial future of countless useless-eaters, the image of Clinton blowing his goo on a blue dresses–an act among consenting adults, I might add–is a nice one. And since I’m being as honest as I can be here, the same image but with Hillary is nice, too. I mean, come on, the guy went from being a hick from Arkansas to the White House. There should be a door in that house to allow anyone in that wants to give… (See note at the end for more on blowjobs.)

    Bill Clinton signed the Gramm Leach Bliley Act. With that, we have yet another government irony of epic proportions. From 1933 till 1999 banks were regulated so that they would, at least, separate securities and investments from simpleton depositors. This was a time in your consumer history where the only way for people to spend was if they used money they had on hand, of which there was none. The problem during that period was that the economy was at a stand still, it was stalled in post WW2 apathy. Since the men running the show were typically closeted conservatives, men who couldn’t imagine anything even if imagination pills were used to spike their highballs, there was nothing to be done. Of course, there was also the burden of things like the 1973 oil crisis, which practically choked the economy. But then something akin to a sucker-punch happened. Enter the era of political trickery, sodden ideology, the second face (as in two-face) of American’t conservatism. By 1982 Ronald Reagan and his beautiful lie of Reaganomics had arrived. For you see, the trickery that this man of a particular kind of imagination came up with was simple. It was basically this: let them eat cake… on credit. And with that, the floodgates opened wide. There was a way for rampent consumption to circumvent silly economic things like money supply, since at the time consumer credit wasn’t prevalent.

    What Americans failed to realize every time they charged something or took an equity loan only to take on more debt was that banks, particularly the master-minds of Wall Street, were concocting limitless ways of manipulating outrageous profits from money that just wasn’t there. What was there, though, was an American population blinded by materialism and a willingness to live a life of debt, even though no one believed that that debt was directly connected to anything real. Hence America put a mediocre actor that played with Monkeys in his films and probably had Alzheimer’s since the age of 29 in the White House. Oh, the American way of life manifest in all things fictional and happy and shinny: ka-ching, baby, and put some mouse ears on that dream. Of course, if anyone thought that things were bad because of the flood doors opened up by Reagan, wait till the election year of 2000 rolls around.

    Reaganomics lived on through presidents, that’s no secret. Then came Clinton who didn’t change things much but what he did change was enough to prevent most Americans from being able to wrap their limited attention spans around it. He would let consumers and the market do as they please but at the same time he would reduce the burden of debt of the government. Why conservatives who want small government don’t praise him for doing this is the best example yet proving how so many voters vote with bigotry and ignorance as their compass. Comparatively speaking, the amount of debt the US Government had when Clinton was finished with his second term, should go down in history as a miracle–especially compared to the free-for-all unleashed by Reaganomics. Yet, at best, such a miracle always seems to be nothing more than a footnote. Yeah, I reckon Americans are more obsessed with Clinton’s Blowjob Act, blue dresses and how much his wife was going to tolerate–or join–such behavior.

    My guess is–and that’s really all this worst-post is, dear worst-reader–Bill Clinton, by giving in to the conservative politicians that were in the pockets of Wall Street, was a desperate man during the last year or two of his presidency. At the least, all he wanted was to find a way to save his House-impeached ass. And find a way Mr. Teflon did. Bill Clinton got away Scott-free with a Senate acquittal of a House impeachment for lying about his love of fellatio by interns, country-bumbkin cuties and potential centerfold playmates. And he did so by doing something that even the devil would think is an exaggeration above and beyond selling your soul.

    Morally self-righteous and sexually repressed Americans had a political gabfest hating Bill Clinton–no matter what he had achieved. Practically speaking, he had done a pretty good job running a very corrupt government. Remember, presidents don’t make laws. The only thing presidents can do is veto a law. The rest is up to congress. The laws being made during the Clinton years were, especially those regarding the economy, all based on the lie that was Reaganomics. Obviously, Clinton had no friends among law makers. I’d like to think that, in some cases, he held out as long as he could and fought against reactionary law makers, but, in the end, again, the Pres. doesn’t make laws. And so, as only Clinton could, he faced up to the crazy, batshit, conservative congress–even while they were trying to crucify him. At times such persecution makes me wonder if Clinton signed Gramm Leach Bliley out of spite. Or, maybe, by the time it hit his desk, he just said: ah fuck it, if these dumb-ass voters keep voting in nutbag repubs to congress, what the hell am I supposed to do about nutbag laws! In the end, when everyone in the country could finally say fellatio at the dinner table, for which we should all be thankful, Billy-boy was left hangin’ naked and oiled–just the way he probably likes it. I mean, talk about leaving a man out in the cold–not that being in the cold would prevent him from having a raging hard-on the size of Florida.

    But let me get back to epic government irony (and eventually to American Express’ advert that caught my eye). Enter Turdblossom Bush and his version of American fail upwardness. Bush, obviously, represented a culture that is obsessed with the past. He is his father’s son. He is, also, the embodiment of the baby-boomer generation that was incapable of understanding the tech boom (dot com boom). IMHO, dear worst-reader, it was the tech boom that could have carried the US economy into the future–which, it just so happens, was what The Great Blowjob Act president was all for. Instead, with Bush, that future would ride on war and oil just like the past. Way to go America. And so. Unable to fully liquidate the government surplus he inherited from Clinton, Bush received the greatest gift any president could wish for.

    Bush’s gift came in the form of a green light to spend unabashedly to fight a new fictional enemy that would replace the one his generation and his kind was reared on. Ironically, the thing that ultimately brought down Soviet Communism wasn’t a better military or even a stronger economy. It was the fact that the Soviets could not take on the same amount of debt the US could. Literally, the Soviet Union crashed because the loan sharks didn’t give it enough credit. Try to get debt burdened Americans to think about that irony!

    Ok. Obviously. 9-11 gave the paranoid and angst-filled boomer generation that Bush represented a new enemy that allowed it to continue with its addiction to debt in the form of massive government and military expansion, including fighting hellaciously expensive wars against people that barely have anything at all to fight with. Also, let’s not forget that a completely new bureaucratic government apparatus, establishment by the Patriot Act, executed by homeland security, needs to be financed. Of course, you are told that these acts are about protecting you. Here. I’ve got some great land just south of Key West to sell you…

    Subsequently all this new law making was also a front to steal from and manipulate the American tax payer to be suppliers of endless debt. Bush and his cronies lapped it up–for they are the ones that don’t let the blue dress get stained. Bush saw to it that the government spent the entire surplus given him by his predecessor as though there was something inherently wrong with such a surplus. Since Bush probably gave more blow jobs than he received–has everyone forgotten that macho, chauvinistic, patriarchal America elected a blue-blood, silver-plate born, failed oil man and a Princeton (male!) cheerleader to the countries highest office?–it is only natural that he also provide the venue from which the largest redistribution of wealth in American history could take place. The redistribution included taking what remained of middle class wealth (most of which was already lost to consume-to-survive) and shifting it to the 1% so they don’t have to pay for the impending crash that feels as though it has to rival 1929.

    I, for one, will never forget listening to Bush tell debt-choked Americans, enthralled with fear of a fictional terrorist act, to go shopping. What Bush was really saying was this: In order to maintain your measly middle-class lives and prop up the consume-to-survive bubble that keeps my family and my political base richer, when you go shopping, you measly suckers, make sure you don’t pay in cash. And just like The Dude in The Big Lebowski, America obliged.

    Enter the last irony. Enter the crash. During Bill Clinton’s final days in office I cannot imagine what he was going through. I mean, this guy had faced the greatest of the great when it comes to American political bigotry, hypocrisy and downright ugliness. It was as though the American (political) Right was hell-bent on, hell, I don’t know, providing some payback for what “liberals” did to Nixon? The commission set up and paid for with taxpayer money to prosecute Bill Clinton for a minor personal transgression couldn’t have been full of more self-righteousness and fake morality. But, as the saying goes, they ripped Clinton a new one. Yet. Luckily. Almost a decade later, Clinton appears at the Democratic national convention and gives what might just be one of the greatest election speeches that’s ever been given. Ironically, a few months prior at the Republican national convention, Turdblossom is no where to be seen or heard and look at the pack of idiots that the angst-filled-boomers have given America as presidential candidates.

    So. What was Turblossom Bush going through during his final days in office? Not only had he trained-wrecked the United States with his idiotic war on terror and government expansion, but he also was facing an economic meltdown comparable only to the intellect he projected to the world. And what did he do when facing the next great depression? He pulled all his cronies together and set up what could become the systematic bail out of history’s ultimate failed economy. With that, the repeal of certain laws over the years, laws that were intended to protect people from run-amok bankers, could come full circle. Since 1999 we now live once again in the days that would lead up to 1929. Hence, American Express, a credit card company, a financial services company, a lone shark, etc., can now take your savings, your pay, and according to the Gramm Leach Bliley Act, use that money to prop up all the toxic debt of voodoo economics.

    I digress.

    The really sad reality here is that it’s not just American Express that caught my eye with a recent online advertisement. TARP has done the same for basically all banks, whether retail or investment. Obviously, and in hind sight, I’m not sure Bush had an alternative to TARP. Subsequently Obama couldn’t just shut the plan down. The mega-problem is, these “banks” have now all merged to become bank-zillas and they are facilitators–not originators–of America’s financial turmoil. And so, all your savings, all your 401ks, your stocks portfolios, the value of your homes, etc., all wealth in America that is actually earned by work (as opposed to being inherited or capital gained), is nothing more than fodder to prop up a toxic, doomed economy and an already failed banking system. Wow. 1929 welcomes you to your future.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    Tommi

     

    PS Here a little bit from a Wiki entry about American Express and it’s conversion to TARP bank that I thought of when I first realized what commercial I was watching:

    “On November 10, 2008, during the financial crisis of 2008, Amex won Federal Reserve System approval to convert to a bank holding company, making it eligible for government help under the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP).”

    PSS This is not a post where Tommi expresses his political affiliation. I could give a hoot about political parties. But the political process, that brilliant process encoded in the constitution of the United States… Now that means something to me!

    Note. Here a bit more irony regarding White House blowjobs. Anybody remember the Jeff Gannon scandal from the Bush administration? I think it’s just as cute as buttons on puppies that during the Clinton years blowjobs were girl on guy but the ones given during Bush’s regime were guy on guy. Jeff Gannon was a $200/night gay prostitute when he was not softballing conservative-agenda questions posing as a White House correspondent for a press agency unbeknownst to anyone. Obviously sexually repressed conservative America has a long way to go before it comes to terms with all the closets its hiding in.

  • Tech Fail Upward

    In order to move one step forward you have to first go five steps backward. 

    It’s true. At the age of (insert number of choice here), I finally got my first contracted cell/smart phone. Of course, I used various cell phones when I worked for the man (corpos), and even used a cheap pre-paid cell phone for a while from Aldi. But it took till the summer of 2012 and a bit of über-enthusiasm toward Apple products that my better half decided to splurge and get us both look-a-like iPhone 4Ss. (And boy were they cheap since the iPhone 5 was in the wings.) I have to admit, Apple has pulled a whammy on the tech market with its iOS devices. I love/hate them! The reason for the hate, IMHO, is the immediate obsoletism of their hardware and the fact that Apple refuses to open them up so that tech geeks can have their tech way with them just like a construction worker in Texas would have his way at a Oklahoma brothel. But that’s neither here nor there. The simple fact is, my better half is constantly commenting that she doesn’t know how we actually lived our lives without these things. And I’m starting to agree (although I would prefer one running Android). So. This is in no way an endorsement for Apple, but instead for technology (which is the love part). To me, smart phones and even tablets are the future. I consider the iPhone as my entry into that future.

    First trip abroad with iPhone.

    This fall is packed with travel.  I started in the Caribbean, the Dutch Antilles to be exact. Since the islands are a former colony, I can only assume that the great cell coverage there was due to Euro phone companies. Of course, I didn’t bother using the 3G that was available simply because roaming rates are outrageous. Still, the phone worked flawless the whole time and I always had a strong cell signal. Since we had wifi where we were staying it was even better and I didn’t have to interrupt my regular podcast usage or synching to my Mac. This little device is without a doubt a temporary replacement for my computer when it comes to news feeds, email and basic web browsing. The other thing that makes this device über-cool for travel is it’s camera. I’m no photographer but I have to admit ever since phones starting coming with cameras I dig snapping photos. Since I have a 32GB device there is plenty space for pics. Luckily, for me, it’s never about the quality of the picture but about the moment that is captured. Some examples of my phone pics are here.

    After Curacao I headed back to Europe only to fly a few days later once again across the Atlantic. It was in the US that I thought I would really give the iPhone a test. The idear was to buy a pre-paid micro-SIM and take advantage of having an unlocked phone. Lo-n-behold, when I got to the Eastern Shore of MD, not one tech store or phone store had a micro-SIM. On top of that, one guy at an AT&T store told me that even if I were to buy a regular SIM and cut it to fit my phone, the carrier would know that I’m using an iPhone and eventually cut me off. Wow. I guess I’m starting to understand first hand why I’ve read so many articles on the Internets complaining about cell phone carriers. What a bunch of greedy pricks–and, if I may add, the best first-hand example out there of how a industry holds us all back. Anywho. All I wanted was a data plan so I could Skype with my better-half while hanging out in rural USA.

    Not quite the holy grail, but good enough.

    On a quick trip to civilization, I happened across a T-Mobile store in a mall in Annapolis, MD. They laughed when I told them that no one on the Eastern Shore could help me. I bought a monthly pre-paid plan with 2TB data ($50). I eventually upped it to International ($10), allowing me to make landline calls to Europe (my better half) at no extra charge.

    The young clerk whipped out a Micro-SIM and as soon as I paid and installed it, I got the most amazing 3G speed on my phone. Whoopie, eh! The problem was that as soon as I left civilization again, all my phone showed was that “E”. But I didn’t give up hope. I called T-Mobile customer service and after some advice on configuring, that “E” turned out to be just fine. I had some pretty decent data speeds, that even enabled Skype. Yeah, baby, the phone worked like a charm.

    FYI, “E” on a phone means you get data but you can not call and use data at the same time. For that you need 3G. Here the configurations T-Mobile gave me for my iPhone to properly get data on the Eastern Shore of MD.

    1. Turning off wifi when not using it.

    2. Add APN codes to cellular data and MMS configurations via settings>cellular>cellular data network (get these from your carrier)

    3. Turn on data roaming.

    That’s it. So. For a new-bee (to the tech world of smart phones) I highly recommend T-Mobile’s prepaid plans and any decent smart phone. These things rock.

    Apple Fail.

    Of course, as I’ve said here, I have major issues with Apple. Even though the iPhone is serving me (and my better half) well as our main device of communication, I’m still very skeptical about this company’s monopolistic obsessions. But there is hope. Just the other day Apple had it’s second major product announcement since the MacBook Pro Retina 15″ and the iPhone 5. They now have a new iPad 4 (wow, I bet the suckers that bought the iPad 3 are pissed), new Mac Minis (my favorite macs) and new iMacs (stupid, bloated, overpriced krapp). With this announcement I’m almost sure that Apple has finally gone beyond anything that Steve Jobs may have had his hands on before his death a year ago. That means, perhaps, (a big perhaps), a little humility might be on this diabolical companies horizon. But then again, I suppose they’ll have to burn a bit more of all that cash they have before the ghost of Jobs is finally gone.

    Links:

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Barrel of Fun

    empty barrel
    Yes, it’s an old oil barrel, but go with me here…

    Disclaimer: Thoughts on Mitt Romney. You’ve been warned.

    Go ahead. Look at the barrel. Well. Go ahead. It’s a barrel. Right? And get this. The barrel is empty. The barrel is rotten. But it wasn’t always so. Look at it again. There was a time when the barrel was full of beautiful, luscious, sweet and tart apples. Yes, once. In fact, there was probably a moment where apples were consumed and the barrels were cleaned and all was renewed and all was good. It didn’t matter if sometimes there were more red than green apples. Nor did it matter if sometimes there were way to many sweet apples. Everything was super-duper, double okay, golly gee. There was a time where barrels of apples were as beautiful and aplenty as the idear of free markets.

    Indeed, there was once a market for barrels of apples. It was a dynamic market. But one day something happened. Yes,Centralised happened. It was as though The Invisible Hand reached in and changed everything and it did so in somewhat contrast to what Adam Smith originally intended (for that hand). This caused there to be something akin to tides where tides need not be. Being unnatural, inorganic, something out of nothing, barrels of apples (a natural resource that costs nothing to grow unless you decide to grow too many of them; not unlike oil) ceased to be aplenty.

    One day a pristine barrel of apples was discovered by a new generation. True to human form, the barrel was hoarded for fear of the consequences of leaving such a precious thing to the whims of supply and demand, i.e. that which Das Volk believed in but also that which Centralised could not afford to tolerate. In order to maintain control, the heads of Centralised applied trickery that would go right over the heads of a dumb-downed voting constituency. Hence, fiat barrels of apples were suddenly everywhere. And Das Volk worshipped these barrels as if they were demigods who controlled (red herring?) fractional banking (and/or oil). There were even Volk who could have more than one barrel through the magic of mortgage backed securities and other financially engineered money-miracles. (Oh, the prowess and creativity of bankers!) No one gave a second thought to the human apathy, mediocrity and mendacity that was behind all the false (fiat?) barrels of apples. And then the day arrived, true to human form, where there were once (fiat) barrels aplenty, there was now… the margin call.

    Pay up, give up or shut up, said Centralised. And Das Volk abided. Sure, they kept what was left of their precious and now sentimental barrels. To this day when they scrape the crud and grime, the residue of what’s left from the rot that they didn’t know was rotten from the inside of those barrels, they still refuse to question anything. They go about their business as if that business is actually their own. Little do they know that history will tell their story differently because it’s obvious that no one wants to rewrite this aspect of it. Not even Centralised cares if it’s retold. For there’s no profit to such telling. Yet it is entertaining to look back at it all. For worstwriter has no sympathy for the dumb-downed. I just laugh at Das Volk as so many of them still scrape the sides of their barrels and gorge themselves on the rot in the name of all that they think is theirs. Praise be to the Deity Fiat, praise be to Centralised.

    Today, dear worst-reader, we blog about the 2012 election year and choices at hand. Obviously, I’m not one to wax poetic when it comes to politics, but something compels (me). Wait. Maybe it’s better if I put it like this. Something need be introduced. As though all-things-worst could introduce anything. Hence the (thr)ills of having a blog that no one reads.

    The thing I’m concerned about today is the fact that #americant cannot ween itself of all the remaining rot that is inside the luscious barrels of goodness, aka, barrels of apples that represented a time gone and a time never again attainable. That’s right. I have visions — and I used to have them more but they are waning as I age — where hoards of Das Volk, all dressed in grey sweat tops, huge jeans and sneakers with Wal-Mart labels still attached, go about their lives without a thought. Indeed. Ka-ching has been replaced with the approval jingle of a swipe of a credit card.

    So here’s a thought for ya.

    Reading up on Mitt Romney and running across a bit of info about his father got them gerbils running inside that wheel in me head. Romney, a founder of a über-successful private equity investment company, is the son of one of the last CEOs of American Motors. You know, the company that gave us Gremlins and Pacers. The company that lost out when others were bailed out (Chrysler, GM). But get this. What do you think George Romney could have passed on to his son Mitt from the vast experience of competing, not so much with the then Big Three car makers that were awaiting AM’s demise, but the rotting barrel of apple culture that was/is #americant? Well, here’s worst-writer’s o-pine-yun about that.

    George Romney, in the days where he knew American Motors was doomed, must have said at one time or other to an impressionable Mitt, sometime in the late 60s or early 70s, the following: You cannot beat the system. And because of who we are you will not be able to be part of it. Not only will the emerging centralised economy rule and control everything but you will also never be able to get around the only way to make profits in America if you decide to go into made-in-America business. America has lost its competitive advantage. In a centralised economy, without an advantage, a business can survive only by controlling costs. Period. Since the only way to control costs is if a business’s main activities are about the process of reducing labor expenditures to zero, the centralised economy will inevitably move those costs where it can get them to zero. You know, the easy wrong instead of the hard right. Now, my dear son, here’s what you do based on what you’re old man experienced when there were four American car companies. While the centralised economy is moving labor abroad, there will be a swath of businesses on the economic brink run by fools who think they can beat the system (centralised). They believe if they just hone in, focus, American ingenuity and buy-American (or something like that) will do the trick. Again, my young whipper-snapper, how do you make money in a centralised economy? That’s right. Very good. Get rid of costs–especially all those greedy workers that should be more thankful than they’ve been. Now. Go out there, see the world, do what our church requires of you–even if centralised laughs–and then come back and then you can start something called a private equity company. With this company you can buy up all the business that can’t compete against the centralised economy and sell off their assets. You’ll make billions–on the easy wrongs. And after that. Maybe. Then they (centralised) will accept us for who we (really) are. Are you ready, junior? That’s my boy.

    **

    Links:

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

    PS centralized=controlled. I think. ;-)

  • Illusion of Comic Truth

    July 27, 2012

    The Illusion (Of Comic) Truth

    It took me a while to get used to it but I eventually came to terms with the fact that it takes a bit longer for movies to get their start in Germany. This delay has to do with the greed of movie distributors and the dumbfounding need of Germans requiring movies to be dubbed. While waiting I gather what I can about movies from critics, blogs and youtube. This is particularly tasty with all the block-busters trying to top one another — they need exposure more than ever. The only problem is, sometimes after I read about the film, I lose any desire to see it. Hence, I cut back on movie going and have gotten comfortable with the convenience of DVDs. But something changed in the spring and summer (2012). This change has nothing to do with the quality of movies, let me tell ya. I think it has to do with the weather. Yeah, that’s it. The weather sucks so bad in Germany that there really is nothing better to do.

    Anywho.

    Last night was the premier of The Dark Knight Rises in Germany. Surprisingly (or not) the theatre was empty. Wonder why? I’m not afraid to admit that I actually had an ill thought or two about going to see this film. People over here were even making jokes or smiling while waving the finger-gun when they heard I had tickets. I was eventually comforted by the fact that I now live in a place that is ruled by mendacity as opposed to living in a place where mendacity is systematically bringing it down. Another comforting thought is knowing that access to prescription drugs and military grade weaponry, stockpiling a small armory of munitions and booby-trapping an apartment with explosives, etc., might just be a bit beyond the average nutcase Eurowastelander’s capabilities. Unless, of course, one considers the Norwegian Anders Breivik. But Breivik seemed to prefer the great outdoors and not comic book characters with orange hair. And while I’m on the carnage comparison: considering other Colorado mass shootings, James Eagan Holmes might go down in history as an underachiever. But I suppose that’s neither here or nor there. For I quickly overcame my fears of being shot dead in a cinema because I wanted to pass a few hours with brain dead entertainment.

    My son and I have been talking for weeks about seeing the new Batman movie. We’ve seen the first and second installment and our opinions differ as to the success of this newChristopher Nolan franchise. Plainly put, since Batman Begins, which I put off seeing until the DVD was released, I don’t like it. My son loves it. Of course, I have the advantage — or is it disadvantage? — of having grown up with Batman. I loved the original Batman, even the cheesy TV series. As far as movies go, the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher franchise was great. That’s why I feel fine claiming that all the rewriting that has taken place to make this classic comic hero appeal to a new generation — including the brilliant Frank Miller interpretation of the cape crusader — suck. Nolan sucks even more for ruining Batman along this vein. Obviously a Brit might not be the best choice for writing and directing something so quintessentially American but that might also explain turning this character into a corporate-loving blue blood. Also, Nolan failed to provide any worthwhile reason for re-interpreting Batman. Frank Miller did a better job and maybe he should have written the script for Nolan. Nonetheless, modern comic action films are sucking the life out of what they are based on. But then again, watching these big budget things with my son still takes me back. I’m reminded of days past when I borrowed and traded comics and listened to others wax poetic about heroes. Oh, how these days are gone and I do not wish to impose them on my son. Indeed, how things have changed. But for the better? Yes. Most things are better. Except Batman is just like Iron Man and Iron Man is just like Spiderman and soon they will all be just like Superman, etc. Indeed, these films are the same now. We are all lesser because of it. But we have lots of gadgets to consume the past with. Shame.

    Don’t get me wrong.

    I am not NOT recommending this movie. In fact, one of the things that motivated me to want to see this third (and hopefully final) installment is that the the Aurora shooter had one thing in-common with Heath Ledger, aka the Joker from part 2. Heath Ledger died from consuming a whacked out cocktail of pain killers galore — just after he played a killer who loved killing people. James Holmes is probably going to be put to death because he pretty much did the same thing. Yeah, baby. Drugs, guns — and movies that misinterpret things once great! And let’s not forget the Hollywood connection here. For you see, dear worst-reader, Hollywood has finally found a way to take illusion out of the fold. There is no longer a need  for verisimilitude. The illusion of truth in movie making, baby, has run its course. Characters, actors, directors, etc. are all now one with reality. I mean, James Holmes was trying to reenact something, or? Nomatter. These really expensive and money driven movies are action packed! Yet the theater I was in was practically empty on opening night. Anyone wonder why?

    Oh. And before I forget.

    verisimilitude |ˌverəsəˈmiliˌt(y)o͞od|

    noun

    the appearance of being true or real: the detail gives the novel some verisimilitude.

    DERIVATIVES

    verisimilar |-ˈsimələr|adjective

    ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from Latin verisimilitudo, from verisimilis ‘probable,’ from veri (genitive of verus ‘true’) + similis ‘like.’

    There was one other thing that excited me to go see this over-budget mediocre Batman extravaganza. I read that the Amerikan Pig-man himself, the great American’t voice that spews the life blood of a nation yearning for grievance, belonging and hate, the singer of the American’t way of life, the great Rush Limbaugh, had taken issue with this movie because the antagonist carries the name Bane. Yes, indeed, leave it up to political talking heads to turn to this. All because Bain Capital, the company Mitt Romney got rich off of by selling out Amerika, is a homophone to the word Bane. Only in American’t, baby.

    Although a typical Limbaugh retraction eventually followed, Rush first commented that the character Bane was part of a left-wing Hollywood conspiracy that coincides with the occupy wall street movement. As I watched the film unfold, especially the characters of Catwoman and Bane, I realized that I had to give good’ole Rush L. credit for calling it. This film, as mediocre and mundane as it is, actually has a thing or two to say about the current state of American’t political affairs. That kind of threw me for a loop. Not leaving well-enough alone, some have tried to top Rush by saying that billionaire Batman with his skyscraper offices and corporation ownership is actually Mitt Romney. Wow, eh. Go Amerikan’t. What else is there to say?

    But. Back to the film.

    Christopher Nolan’s Batman has been a disappointment from the get go. Yet I have watched his trilogy and gladly recommend it — especially if you’re into so-called block buster action. Yet, what Mr. Nolan fails to realize — as he continues with what Frank Miller started — is that the Cape Crusader was something special in the world of super hero comics. He was special because he was, unlike all the other comic heroes, a regular guy without super powers. Sure, he had lots of expensive toys to help him along and they were all stored in the wondrous Bat Cave. But there were no radioactive spiders, no kryptonite blood, no steroid laden venom (for those who don’t know that was how Capt. America got his powers) and no cold fusion energy source that powers a suit. Unlike almost all other comic heroes there were no tricks or alien influence that made Bruce Wayne super. It was only his dedication and desire to help others that drove him. Also, the portrayal of wealth, power and money was never part of Batman’s persona. Indeed, it must be hard to make a film that is supposed to make billions of dollars that doesn’t somehow show our world as it truly is: A world of greed and selfishness. So I can’t help but admit that this mis-characterization of Batman hurts me a little. But it hurts even more that a nutcase like Rush Limbaugh was part of motivating me to see it.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Crémant vs Art Films

    Pseudo review of the movie Synecdoch, New York by Charlie Kaufman

    Oh, it weighed heavy on my conscience having recently gone to the cinema. It’s just not something I do. It’s like youth, and it’s a good thing that it’s gotten away from me. But I did it and there is a price to pay. Subsequently I was compelled to find something spectacular to bring me back (to reality). To pay the piper, they say. Oh, how I yearn for a world where creativity is at the forefront of every (dirty) deed – as opposed to the status quo conservative world of living in the past we are all (de)faced with now. But enough about me.

    Today we’re going to worstwrite about the brilliant writer Charlie Kaufman and the wonders of Crémant. Was in a store a few weeks back and the DVD of “Synecdoche, New York” was available for some ungodly cheap price. This is the usual way I consume movies these days: cheap DVDs and retailer supply surplus nightmares. In most stores here in z’Germanland they usually put a krapp-load of DVDs into a crate and the all-knowing consumer has to sift through it. Attached to the crate is a sign that reads “DVD ab 4,99”. I have long since realized that what they actually throw into these crates are no more than four or five different movies but there is such a huge and abundant unsold supply of them that people will stand there sifting through the crate and never wondering why they keep finding the same film. What they don’t get is that there is never a DVD in the crate for the price advertised. But that’s neither here nor there. Usually I pass these crates because I have already seen Brides From Hell, Part IV or Return of the Martian Females, Part VI. But as I was passing by a crate on this particular procrastinating day something spoke to me. Or should I say… something made its presence known to me. I mean, Synecdoche is a strange title and since I’m attracted to letters and words more than images and pictures, it’s no wonder that this particular title spoke to me and Wife-Zilla’s Return, Part II did not.

    Now, here’s the thing. It took a ridiculous price to get me to buy “Being John Malkovic” so I went ahead and splurged once again and gave up my 3,99. But let’s look at something more important than just price, shall we? (Shame Amazon, to the right, can’t match what I paid, eh?) My guess is, the DVD of Synecdoche was thrown into this B-movie crate by a cynic. For I soon discovered, as I waddled through the store to get to the cash register — and this has to have something to do with the psychology of association — there was another special offering of artsy-farsty films all under 5,99 in the another part of the store. Of course, the artsy-fartsy stuff, the stuff that might make people think (I know, I’m being high-brow, but what the heck!), was in the back, in a dark corner, creativity is relegated to obscurity. So I hope I’m making this clear. If this DVD wouldn’t have been in the wrong place — if it weren’t put there by someone who was trying to make a statement — if it were in the place that the others of its kind were, then I would have missed it. For I am, at this point in life, immune to advertising of all kinds and I usually only go to stores if 1) she makes me, and 2) I know exactly what I’m going there to get. (On this day I was in need of a coax cable.) Although I cannot empirically prove it, there is some truth that this DVD, in the wrong crate, communicated with me — and perhaps even knew that I would need it after seeing the new Snow White movie. So I bought and added another Charlie Kaufmann film to my collection titled: “non brain-dead movies”.

    Eventually I ripped the DVD, put into my iTunes library and got caught up in doing something else, which included a few days of worstwriting, fighting with my website and concerned that my son is overly preoccupied with the erdbeermund of the chick who plays Snow White. Even though all these other activities prevented me from immediately viewing Synecdoche there was something else that compelled me to wait for the right moment. After viewing the new Snow White (mis)interoperation it was time to purge my innards of being exposed to too much anti-creative-ness. Yet, even after that it took a few more days to get to Synecdoche. Obviously what we’re dealing with here, dear worst-reader, is the problem of submission and not admission. How easy it is to juice yourself up with what’s required to go to the cinema and watch pop movie making. But to do the same with the brilliance of all things creative? Luckily on this particular evening, my better-half was open to me suggesting what film we should watch. So I gathered the perfectly chilled bottle of Crémant, a few snacks of black olives, dried tomatoes, crackers and viola!

    It didn’t take long before the main question was asked: Is this an artsy-fartsy movie? Indeed, it is my dear. So I poured her another glass of Crémant du Jura, offered that we watch the new Sherlock Holmes movie (that gets my thumbs up only because of the director!) Luckily (for me) she noticed my enthusiasm for Kaufman, so we continued with what we had begun. For you see, there is no other living writer today that makes me love and hate writing more than Charlie Kaufman. He makes me love writing because of the movies he’s written. He makes me hate writing because of the movies he’s written. Whenever I watch a Charlie Kaufman movie it takes me days to once again sit down at my desk and start hammering away. The whole time I’m thinking: there is only one writer worthy of writing; the man is so brilliant in his carving out of proverbial stone idears and words that it makes me cringe — but cringe in a good way. Being humbled every once ‘a’ once is also a good thing. It’s good to walk the earth with feet firmly planted. Thank you, Charlie Kaufman. And thank you to France for coming up with such a brilliant (and affordable) alternative to Champagne. After my dearest had her second glass of Crémant she fell asleep and I could continue watching the brilliance unfold while nibbling for hours on one black olive.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    Tbone

  • Cyberwar Rock-N-Roll

    Here’s the scenario. It’s 1999. I’m working as a PM consultant and our client is (really big tech company). The job is to install a test environment of our software. Our software has been purchased by (really big tech company) because we have something they need in order to complete their massive drive to get on the Internets and be what was then called an e-commerce player. The thing is, as big as this tech company was, like most dinosaurs, they were a bit behind in the whole Internets thing. This was my third install but it was also my first big league install. That is, at the previous two installs there was some leeway and room for error. But those days were gone. I had to get this install right without delay which meant that when we hit the “run” command all systems did exactly that. And let me tell you, the whole thing felt real heavy.

    Lawrence (names have been changed to protect family members still living) was my engineer. He was from Suffolk originally but somehow fell in love with some chick from Munich and they both lived in Belgium. At the time I was living in Düsseltal. Since Lawrence and I were consultants it didn’t really matter where we lived. Our motto in a world of out-sourcing run amok: be where ever you can give your bank transfer code to get paid. The small dot com that we worked for liked what we did and so they kept us together on projects like this. And so, we were stuck in the SW of Germanland, not far from the Black Forest.

    I arrived by plane and then taxi. Lawrence arrived in his new Jaguar X-10. We were assigned a ten square meter glass enclosure in the middle of a football field sized hall filled with automaton cubicles that were all meticulously categorized via huge signs suspended from a fifteen meter ceiling. The signs read “Customer Service” or “OS Operations” or “Printing Products” or “C++” or “Unix”, etc. Details aside, the thing to remember is that Lawrence and I were in a place that could only be compared to the gallows of the Roman Coliseum during games. For that is how we felt, that is how we were motivated. We didn’t care if we were out-sourced gladiators either. We had one up on all the salaried employees in that huge, multiple football field size room: they had called us!

    The ten square meter room was made of plexiglass and it had no roof. It was labeled “Installer Box” and everything in it was (supposed to be) disconnected from the rest of (really big tech company). Our job was simple. Install our software, get it working, prove that it works, turn it over to the client and then they’ll call us when they need us. That’s pretty much how I got 2k Euros/day back then. But that’s neither here nor there. Upon arrival at (really big tech company) we were debriefed on protocol and told several times that virus and malicious code contamination was of the highest priority. The thing is, we had a lot of code with us. For this install we had twenty-five CDs. Each CD had to be unzipped and copied to a CPU. Even though I was a relatively useless participant at this point, because I was just the PM, the install and the compile and run process took about four hours. Once that was done and I got the green light from Lawrence, I would then notify the client (the PM is the front man). Then the geeks would surround us and we’d turn the switch and they all would get goo-goo-eyed at our brilliance; a few would even ask if we had any job openings.

    Now, dear worst reader, with that little scenario in mind, let’s worst write today about computer security. As I’ve said, there is one major thing that most people never even think about when it comes to the gadgets they use on a daily basis which makes them no different than the big gadgets governments and corporations use. Software does not work. Let me put that another way. Software can never work. Wait. One more try. Software must fail. Did I make that clear? The problem is, as clear as I made that, it ain’t the half of the potential problem at hand. There is one other thing that’s really, really sucky about software. There is no way to prevent software from being completely immune to malicious code.

    The fact is, while we were installing software on supposedly “secure” machines in an install-box there was/is no way, if we were willing, (really big tech company) could have prevented us from disrupting their entire network system. Plexiglass encased room or not, while I sat there and patiently waited for Lawrence to complete the daunting task of our install, I counted at least three significant breaches in their security that would have allowed me a major hacker home-run.

    The first breach was that prior to our using the install-box someone else had used it and forgot his/her external disk drive. The second breach was that one of the computers in the room had at some point been connected to the company’s network recently because I could see the connection in the network preferences. Either a network cable had been run into the room or someone had taken that PC somewhere else in the building. In fact, I knew the date of the connection (the previous work day) and I also could access the network address code. I could also see in the preference panel that this network connection was made on a regular basis so there was no reason to believe that it wouldn’t be connected again. The third breach, and this was the doozy!, was that although we thought, after the install and setup, that we’d be working from dumb terminals, our hosts told us to go ahead and work directly from the PC that we installed on, which meant that we would have to be given administrator access to it above and beyond just installing our system. Trust among colleagues all on the same team, eh.

    As if the war on terror ain’t enough, there has to be something in the wings to preoccupy the paranoid mindset of all future warriors. And in this case the preoccupation might have been worth it. The lack of security mentioned above represents a best case scenario for hackers the world over to find ways to get access to computers in order to partake in the up and coming cyber wars. With encryption technology it’s actually not that easy to get access to systems via networks. The best way to do it is to have direct physical access to those systems. And sense software simply doesn’t work, a system must be constantly accessed by someone, somehow. Of course, my scenario was then (1999) and this is now. Have things changed? The great thing about computers, other than design and screen clarity, nothing changes. During the time I was helping companies get online so they could sell shit, I had noidear that the breaches I discovered would turn out to be the same ones used years later to bring down the computer controlled centrifuges the Iranians were using to process uranium. The thing is, computer experts all know that software is the problem. They also are well aware of the potential for being attacked. One of the easiest ways to prevent such an attack is to simply not give access to the system. What a pickle they all must be in, eh. Obviously, when I was installing our system at (really big tech company) they thought they were secure by putting us in a install-box. The reality is, if I wanted to, I could have easily injected malicious code into their network by one, two or all three breaches in their security.

    When I read this arstechnica article I couldn’t help but recall my dot com days while bored in an install-box, looking busy and waiting for Lawrence to do his thing. Wow, I thought, nothing has changed; if you get access to the system it’s easy as pie to take it down. According to an upcoming book by David Sanger, “Confront and Conceal: Obama’s Secret Wars and Surprising Use of American Power”, the Americans and/or the Israelis were able, through a double agent, to inject malicious code, probably via a simple USB stick, into German made CPUs that controlled centrifuges. The code tells the centrifuges to over-spin, which ends up breaking them. A whole bunch of these really expensive and hard to get centrifuges were taken down, practically halting the Iranians ability to continue with their nuclear ambitions. The details of what this code does is mind-boggling. But what’s more amazing is the secret agent-like method that was employed to get the code into the system. Oh. And from what they are reporting, there is one thing the brilliant hackers forgot. A way to turn the code off. Even though it did what it was supposed to do, it didn’t stop there. Supposedly it’s out in the Internets as you read this. But who really cares. We’re on the right side of all these wars, right?

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    Tommi

  • Mirror Mirror On The Wall

    Warning: Plot spoilers.

    Broke down and went to the movies yesterday. I don’t go to the cinema anymore. Reason? Nothing motivates me to go. And, at my age, it’s getting’ hard to sit still in the dark for 2hrs. Also. Movie making in general has long since run out of stories to tell. For you see, according to everything worst, the art of writing stories is no longer nurtured. Proof in the pudding, baby. Creativity has had to give way to consuming. Enter comics, computer animation and remakes galore. In this new & improved world directors and actors and money have finally pushed aside the part of the mixture where all the creative stuff starts. Oh, the future is brightly bleak. But that’s neither here nor there. Why do we even need stories anymore? There is an endless source of stuff to be regurgitated.

    Because I don’t go to the movies I miss the few times that movie makers actually do make something worthwhile. The last time I missed something was Terry Gilliam’s The Brothers Grimm – but I eventually caught it on DVD. What a great FREE interpretation of all-ready whacked out story telling. I mean, the Grimm stories in their original are truly grim and that’s what makes them so cool. The mis-interpretation by Disney and Hollywood up to now of those stories contains mounds of proof regarding what has gone so wrong (worst) with our world. When the new Snow White was announced, I thought, Hey, I’ll give yet another interpretation of Grimm a shot.

    I actually enjoyed watching this new (re)re-interpretation of Snow White. There are some huge flaws in the story* but, unlike Gilliam’s work, this piece actually tried to stay somehow tuned in to the original Grimm story (accentuate somehow intended). The fact that this interpretation withheld the misnomer of romance as the plot driver made it all the more interesting. Seriously. The thing that made me scared about seeing the movie was how they were gonna do that prince, princess, white horse and kiss thing. I was so tickled that Snow White was kissed by two guys that I almost clapped and yelled “you trollop” to the screen. The simple fact is that Disney’s misinterpretation of romantic love based on a perversion ofSchneewittchen has lead generations to think that their marriage and family life has a speck of something monarchial in it. Mix that with a sexual revolution that has given the world the likes of Madonna, Lady Gago & Co.,  and it’s no wonder that half of all marriages fail. BTW, while the United Mistakes embattles and preoccupies itself with its silly-talk regarding gay marriage, it should consider just getting rid of marriage completely. Other than containment and control, Tommi’s cynical (and somewhat bitter) mind can find no significant social, cultural or political use for marriage anymore. If you must, make rules or laws about taking care of children, but get rid of all the other chains that legally bind two people together. Yeah, baby. Free! Freedom at last.

    Anywho.

    Seeing this movie with my son, who is gaga for the Snow White actress (and I am for Charlize Theron), was some cinematic fun I hadn’t had in a long time. Boy, I forgot how much I miss popcorn in Amerika, too.

    *Story Flaws? Actually these are just some thoughts I jotted down after running this movie through my head. (1) If the evil queen was powerful enough to know that William had tricked Snow White with the apple when they were children – hence the reason that the queen could appear as William with the apple and give Snow White a second chance to bite it and then poison her – how then could she not know that it was the Huntsman’s kiss that would wake her up from the poisoned apple and then plan for that accordingly? (2) Although I loved the dwarfs, why couldn’t they get some real dwarfs? (3) The magic in the movie, from the queen and her mirror to the emerald-like forest with its ferries, lacks in verisimilitude, and almost separates it from the rest of the movie where there is no magic. The story behind how the queen killed Snow White’s father is clear. But what did she do with the kingdom? There was something missing about the power she had and how she wielded it. What was the movie about? Snow White? The evil queen? Directors and actors and producers making money? Writing no longer being nurtured? Etc., etc.

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

     

  • In Search Of A Quote

    Disclaimer: this text is probably NSFW.

    Among the many imaginary friends I wish I had, one woke me up this morn when I was trying to locate something I hadn’t searched for in a while.

    “What are you looking at,” he asked.

    “The exact location of a famous quote,” I said.

    “Why,” he (or was it she) asked.

    “Because I’m tired of it being misquoted and I’m also tired of Believers and nutjob Deists thinking it’s their ammunition.”

    “You’re being combative again,” s/he asked.

    “I’m debating – mostly with myself and social networking sites on the internets.”

    “Oh, that sounds constructive.”

    There was an extended pause and my friend lit another cigarette with his well-worn zippo and jostled her pith helmet. (Wait. He? She? Yes, now that I’ve gotten to the pith helmet he was definitely a she; and she wore nothing else. There will be no more gender confusion from here on out.)

    On the left side of my desk are four books. One is an English version of Das Kapital part 1. The other is the German version of the same book plus parts 2 and 3. The German versions, btw, are 1969 paperback editions from Ullstein Verlag that I picked up at a Antiquariat many years ago. We’re talkin’ brick books here, people. Obviously bricks are just like the proverbial luggage that I carry with me everyday and fail to cope with. I will admit that reading Marx is a struggle; I’ve been doing it for years and often find myself stuck on the same long-winded paragraph for days. I mean, Marx is whacked-out. At times I feel as though while his pen was moving he must have been toking on a fatty, trying to avoid the inevitable violence he was promulgating. Anywho. My friend saw me dabbling in a page or two in Das Kapital and she took a swig of an early drink, another puff of her fag and spread the old chestnuts in front of us that were waiting to be cracked.

    “Well, old chap,” she said. “I see you’re focused once again on the opium of the people.”

    “It is my drug, darling.”

    “Well. That is what you think. But. Reading that nonsense. So much of which, by the way, is unfortunately attributable to his having lived within the British Empire. What a ghastly thought, you know. Because of him some people on this planet actually think that we, the British, had something to do with his conniving. The sad part of it all is that the only thing Das Volk know from him is a misquote.”

    “How right you are, my darling. That too is something that I need to understand,” I said as she kneeled before me blowing smoke into my belly button.

    “What does that old outdated and long defeated nonsense really matter now anyway? You must have other priorities” she said as her head and pith helmet began their servicing quest just after she flipped her fag into the corner near my stereo system where I wondered if it would burn out or burn us.

    And so I tried to recall where in Das Kapital Marx had written religion is opium of the people. And that made me realize how long it had been since I’d dabbled. Even though I was preoccupied from my friend below I have been and always will be, at this level, a multi-tasker. I eventually recalled that Marx’s famous (mis)quote was not from Das Kapital but instead in the forward to his paper: “Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right.”

    As I blew my goo and it got all over the pith hat of my lovely I also thought about something else that has always bothered me about this quote. Usually its translation into English, one I will post below, can be quite elegant, but I prefer the German original. As we all know, German is the language of Sturm & Drang, of Beethoven and Diesel, etc. – of over engineeringpar excellance.

    Das Fundament der irreligiösen Kritik ist: Der Mensch macht die Religion, die Religion macht nicht den Menschen. Und zwar ist die Religion das Selbstbewusstsein und das Selbstgefühl des Menschen, der sich selbst entweder noch nicht erworben, oder schon wieder verloren hat. Aber der Mensch, das ist kein abstraktes, ausser der Welt hockendes Wesen. Der Mensch, das ist die Welt des Menschen, Staat, Societät. Dieser Staat, diese Societät produziren die Religion, ein verkehrtes Weltbewusstsein, weil sie eine verkehrte Welt sind. Die Religion ist die allgemeine Theorie dieser Welt, ihr encyklopädisches Compendium, ihre Logik in populärer Form, ihr spiritualistischer Point-d’honneur, ihr Enthusiasmus, ihre moralische Sanktion ihre feierliche Ergänzung, ihr allgemeiner Trost- und Rechtfertigungsgrund. Sie ist die phantastische Verwirklichung des menschlichen Wesens, weil das menschliche Wesen keine wahre Wirklichkeit besitzt. Der Kampf gegen die Religion ist also mittelbar der Kampf gegen jene Welt, deren geistiges Aroma die Religion ist.

    Das religiöse Elend ist in einem der Ausdruck des wirklichen Elendes und in einem die Protestation gegen das wirkliche Elend. Die Religion ist der Seufzer der bedrängten Kreatur, das Gemüth einer herzlosen Welt, wie sie der Geist geistloser Zustände ist. Sie ist das Opium des Volks.

    The great thing about reading this text every once-a-once, motivated by combative exchanges with believers and others who fail to see that they are truly in a catatonic state (of mind, body and soul) thinking the earth and everything else was created five thousand years ago and that their existence today is about nothing more than entitlement, is that it gives me hope. Being the illegitimate child of philosophical learning means that I don’t have to do anything and by doing nothing I can do almost everything with the utmost seriousness and un-use-ability. It also means that a female can come by the night before and while eating sushi off her parts I can also contemplate the (mental) reality of Das Volk. Hence the reference here today to my combative nature compelled by social networking sites on the internets, i.e. FB where someone posted something on his wall about how thankful he was that the “founding fathers” weren’t the same as the cold hearted religious nutjubs that occupy American’t today. I say pfui! They are the same. And the reason they are the same is because the founding fathers were unable to defeat the burning seed that is religion and so they made their compromises. The compromises, of course, were not enough. To this day those compromises conveniently coincide with man’s willingness to subject himself to authority and totality. For you see, there seems to be a mentality in my beloved United Mistakes that thinks it can look upon an infant history for some kind of reassurance that all is not lost. Indeed, I tend to think all is most certainly lost. And. Not just religion is the opium of the people but believing in anything else without fact is just as good a narcotic.

    Before I close/continue here a rather elegant, poetic and what I consider a free interpretation/translation of Marx’s famous quote from Christopher Hitchens (warning: this is not an exact translation of text above, for that see “list of external links”) and his small but powerful book “Letters to a Young Contrarian”. Btw, I’m posting all this stuff in this way in order to both confuse and help so that some may put a little effort into grasping what was actually said and thereby in so many ways misunderstood – and more importantly misquoted. At the least, Karl Marx was not promoting atheism – as so many wish/hope to believe. What he was really up to was putting something out there – something that has obviously been detrimental to mankind in the hopes that a rational few might catch on and (re)act accordingly. Perhaps, in a strange way, the founding fathers of what is obviously now the united states of American’t were up to something very similar – putting something out there so that a few might catch on and (re)act accordingly. But (as usual) I digress.

    Religious distress is at the same time the expression of real distress and the protest against real distress. Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people. 

    The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusions about its condition is the demand to give up a condition that needs illusions. The criticism of religion is therefore in embryo the criticism of the vale of woe, the halo of which is religion. 

    Criticism has plucked the imaginary flowers from the chain not so that man will wear the chain without any fantasy or consolation but so that he will shake off the chain and cull the living flower. 

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    Tommi

  • Sharks Barracudas Banks

    The other day during a somewhat intensified news scan to try and understand the 2012 JPMorgan bank scandal,  I got to thinking about sharks and barracudas. This was aided when I happened across an article about a German women that was attacked by a sharkwhile on vacation in Florida. Although it seems she will survive the attack, she has lost a large amount of flesh and tissue of the lower part of one of her legs and it will probably end up being amputated. Then I thought about how much experience I’ve had with these animals – and not just sharks. For example, I grew up near a beach and there were regular shark attacks. There was also a glorious moment where I swam near a four meter long white tip shark after interrupting it’s hunt for a yellow fin tuna while scuba diving in the red sea. And then there was the time, while fishing in the Florida Keys, my sister hooked an adolescent hammer head that was about a meter and half long. When we finally got the animal aboard we had the daunting task of getting the hook out of it, which it had swallowed. In the mean time another fisherman hooked a barracuda that was larger than the hammer head. Both fish were squirming around on the deck of a fairly small boat and there were feet and legs all dancing around trying not to get between sharp teeth and clapping jaws. Suddenly, with a quick lash, the barracuda just missed a leg and latched on to the mid section of the shark. The barracuda tasted blood and turned frantic, instantly killing the hammer head. At that point we gave up on getting our hooks back and decided to just throw them both overboard. The problem was the barracuda wouldn’t let go of the shark. We couldn’t lift both animals while they still had hooks, lines and fishing poles attached to them. The only way to get to them was to kill the barracuda. I will never forget the intensity of the moment where I knew that the barracuda lusted to devour that shark – and he seemed glad to give his life to do it. Then someone grabbed the trusty baseball bat. Even dead the barracuda didn’t want to let go. But we eventually did get our hooks back.

    I’m upping the position of William Black’s book “The Best Way to Rob a Bank Is to Own One” on my reading list. Reason. Black seems to have a grasp of the intricacies, or perhaps better put, the mechanics of what’s actually behind the recent JPMorgan multi billion dollar derivative loss. But this makes me wonder if there’s something more, something so complex that it can’t be explained. Here’s what Black has to say:

    JPMorgan had about $15 billion in distressed European debt. … Europe has been in just a ton of trouble. And so, those investments were losing all kinds of value. Now, the story, which, again, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, is that they decided to hedge this position. A hedge is something where you invest in a second asset that is supposed to offset losses that you suffer in the first asset. In this case, the first asset was that distressed European debt, and the second asset, the supposed hedge, was a derivative of a derivative. In this case, it was an index of credit default swaps, which are a form of derivative that blew up AIG. Now then, the story gets even murkier, but it—the claim from out of JPMorgan is nobody was looking very carefully at the supposed hedge, and the hedge didn’t perform to offset losses, instead it increased the losses and increased the losses dramatically. And supposedly, no one was looking, and no one adjusted for this. And they woke up, and they had a $2 billion loss. (Source: DemocracyNow transcripts)

    Here’s what’s important about this statement. The wild claim that the hedge JPMorgan was making to counter their distressed European debt investment using a derivative of a derivative leads to one question: What did JPMorgan do with their bail out money? Of course, with such a question, I’m making the wild assumption that the bail out money was for dealing with the huge amount of bad investments all the banks were stuck in. Hence this trade was JPMorgan’s attempt to find another way to get out of a mess riding on the back of someone else, i.e. the standard, status-quo Wall Street way of doing things. The problem is that no matter what trickery Wall Street comes up, these banks are gonna have to face reality eventually. That may also mean that the debt problem American’t has is approaching an unmanageable state and not even these monstrous banks (and their trickery) can handle it – with or without being bailed out. I wonder if it’s possible that banks and Wall Street have actually been lying to our government concerning reality (sarcasm off).

    Now. What is a derivative of a derivative? A derivative can be a credit default swap. But a credit default swap isn’t good enough. All these really, really smart bankers like Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan must think anew. Remember, if they can’t get more carpet to sweep under then they will find something or some place else to sweep the krapp. And guess what they’ve come up with to help them do this? You guessed it. Credit default swap index. Things any clearer for you now?

    A credit default swap is a form of insurance against a default on an investment. Adding “index” to it means that you’re basically just bundling a bunch of credit default swaps. Ok. Credit default swaps are used to insure investments like bonds. A bond subsequently can be a vehicle that can contain things like subprime mortgages. A bond can also contain the debt a country or state gets when it finances the building of a bridge or taking care of a city. But let’s focus on mortgages. As we all know, subprime mortgages played a major role in the economic meltdown that culminated in 2008 and surprisingly coincided with the glorious ending of Bush’s reign. As most are unaware, these tricky-dick investments are basically being used to prop up the American’t lie regarding life, liberty and the pursuit of being stupid. Hence, American’t can continue doing what it does best: finding the easiest way to make a buck off the back of others without actually working hard for it. Flash to the present and what we have are same-as-usual and too-big-to-fail banks that still haven’t really dealt with the main problem they facilitate and are unable to quit, namely, debt.

    The truly amazing thing about JPMorgan and its recent loss is that it will probably be posting huge profits at the end of 2012 – regardless of how much it loses in these trades. The reason for that is it is literally experimenting with whether or not it can dump on a sucker nation or über-investor any of it’s junk debt made up of American’ts way of life. Is there a sucker in this world of trading nut jobs that is willing to take on this kind of stuff? My guess is that JPMorgan tried to get a country to take either its distressed European debt or – and this is what hedging is all about and what JPMorgan really wanted to do – its derivative of a derivative – a credit default swap index full of American’t mortgage debt that is part of all the housing foreclosures that is now the basis of American’ts economy.

    But what sucker could or would take on such a trade as what JPMorgan was offering? Here we have a game where sharks and barracudas are gonna get it on. In the second segment of the interview with William Black at democracynow.org, he blatantly blames “The Germans” for Europe’s problems and he does it in a way that got me thinking. He claims that the Germans are holding too tightly to austerity for the Eurowasteland countries that are failing. Such a statement makes my head spin. The reality is all those countries agreed that they would hold their deficits to a set percentage of GDP. It’s now common knowledge that the failing countries systematically lied about their debt the whole time. What he doesn’t mention is the fact that if Germany doesn’t hold to austerity then it will have to be the one, by default, to pay for all those failing countries. And the reason for that is simple: Germany, relatively speaking, has a functioning economy that isn’t completely dependent on debt.

    Now. This might come as a surprise but I have to speculate here. Obviously all Eurowasteland countries have serious debt problems. Some more than others. Is it possible that JPMorgan has finally run into a wall regarding its tricky-dick antics? Also, is it possible that JPMorgan has literally run out of betting partners? Remember, it was trying to dump its “distressed European debt” and if that wouldn’t work it was then gonna cover it’s ass (hedge) with dumping its derivative of a derivative – which didn’t work either. Isn’t this a blatant example of trying to negatively manipulate the Euro? In the one hand it had Eurowasteland debt that it couldn’t sell and in the other hand it had American’t debt. What? No buyers?

    To go even further, as bad as things are in Eurowasteland, there are parts of it that are relatively thriving, especially if you speak German. It is common knowledge that what JPMorgan and other investment banks are doing is nothing but gambling. The thing that people forget is that, unlike Vegas, tricky-dick investment banking requires that two parties participate in each bet. In other words, you’re not betting against cards or dice or a small ball finding its number on a spinning wheel. Two entities have to stand across from each other and gamble. In this case, no one was willing to stand across from JPMorgan and so it lost in excess of $2billion dollars. So I have to ask: who was on the other side of this bet? Who kept turning down the trader that was begging to dump all this junk? Ultimately, the answer to that question probably doesn’t matter. This is all just no big deal because the apathetic American’t voting constituency is more than willing to support its oppressor, the JPMorgans and other wall street institutions that got us all in their jaws.

    Personally, I’d rather go hang out with sharks and barracudas.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Sucks

    Some might consider it privilege, others elitism. But it’s also torture. Since 2010 worstWriter lives in a Apple household. And I want to say upfront: this was not my choice. My better-half has completely fallen over the iPad edge and is now a total “post-pc” user. That is, she doesn’t use a personal computer anymore. And that’s fine. I don’t mind being system administrator for her tablet. (There is a joke in there somewhere ;-) I agreed to all this because I was gettin’ tired of managing an ever growing home media database and always hearing, “Honey, it’s too complicated.” Ok. I admit it. When she commanded that we go Apple, I agreed. But. The thing to remember is that I have a much longer history with Apple than she does. And I will never be the one to promote Apple because it’s easier than Windows or it’s more friendly. That’s all just bullshit. Anywho.

    For us, now, it’s all about the easy consumption of media. Which means, iPad2 for the honey, iCloud and access to all our stuff in an apartment that has three floors. But let me add, even though I mainly use a Macbook Pro, I also run Win7 natively on it and am constantly switching between the two OSs. Oh, and before I get too off topic, we also have two Apple TV2 devices connected to an awesome multi-channel sound system and flat screens. All of our media comes from a dedicated MacMini and iTunes. The great thing about this setup is that, once you get it working,  you can practically turn off TV forever. Seriously. But keep in mind. There’s only one thing worse than what Apple is doing to the computing world: television. Anywho. Now it’s all Podcasts and all our other media – which is just a huge music and movie library. All that sounds pretty neato-torpedo, eh. Well it ain’t.

    The problem is, iTunes and most of the software Apple makes, really, really sucks. We live in a world where corporations can only get wildly ahead if they somehow or other take advantage of customers and also do all they can to monopolize their efforts. Apple, obviously, is genius at this. For one thing, we have accumulated a nice little media library made up of 20+ years of purchased DVDs and CDs. According to our iTunes setup we have 5k songs. We have well over 500 movies and TV shows. If anyone out there has ever tried to manage such a digital library then you know how time consuming it is. It was because our library was getting so large we decided to go Apple – even if it meant taking a hit on picture and sound quality. (That’s right, don’t ever think you are getting quality stuff when you buy Apple. Steve Jobs & Co. have perfected that lie.) The problem we had when everything was on Windows and various media devices, was getting everything to work. When it did work it was brilliant. But when my better-half had trouble accessing stuff, well, she wasn’t very happy. So we talked, discussed, mapped out our home media system and finally switched to Apple – and I’ve been bitchin’ & moaning’ ever since.

    As a former dot-comer there is one thing that I will never forget about computing. Software doesn’t work. It is inherent that software must eventually fail. That’s just the way it is. Lo and behold, recently I ran into another problem with iTunes, i.e. software. The switch to iTunes took about half a year. Like I said, we had to take a hit in quality – who really needs 1080p! – but everything worked fairly well. Movies and TV shows, music and podcasts all worked. I even broke down and bought a few movies via the iTunes store. That made me realize that the end was nigh regarding physical media. Anywho. Our biggest problem started when we realized that our household media could only be accessed through one Apple ID. Not only that, iTunes can only access one media library. There are tricks you can employ to get around some of this stuff but these tricks can have a negative effect on how the whole system works. The process of switching Apple IDs, which we had to do  because of requirements of Better-Half, is obviously a very cumbersome thing to do. Change that ID and all your stuff is gone. Luckily I have backups. Getting everything working again under a new Apple ID took the better part of three days.

    So why does Apple do this? They do this because they know that the majority of users are small children who do not need to worry themselves about whether things work or not. Also. Apple has sold whatever soul it may have had when it enabled and facilitated the whole music download thing. Hence the stiff requirements of Apple IDs. On top of that, Apple is doing everything it can to nullify users realizing that you’re better off buying cheap DVDs in stores and ripping them into your system. The cost of purchasing stuff via iTunes is just downright ridiculous. BTW, Amazon music downloads are 100x better than iTunes.

    If I had to do this all again, would I go Apple? Unfortunately the question is mute. The problem is Apple is so big now that there really isn’t a decent hardware and software that can compete with them. The whole post-PC thing is gonna make things even worse because it ultimately means that you won’t ever own anything again that is digital. Wow.

     

    Rant on.

    -Tomas-

  • Price of Nothingness

    Funny how so much gets lost in translation. Like reality. Every time I think that something can no longer happen to make me shake my head at Eurowasteland, something happens. Recent electoral event in France should be making the whole world shake it’s head, especially the Eurowastelanders. Of course, I’m not talking about head-shaking at the election itself. I mean, the former president was specifically proposing the same shit the new president will try to implement. What a change the French picked there, eh. (But at least they wrapped it in something “liberal”. LOL.) The thing to think about is the eternal status quo that is Eurowasteland’s only claim to fame. And that is the only thing that was voted for in France recently.

    How can such an event in France once again muster the non-believers of the Euro-experiment as though one election here or there is gonna make any difference to the status quo? The reality is: Eurowastelanders do not change. Beyond that, nothing new happens in Eurowasteland. It’s that simple. From the get-go every rational person I’ve ever met while living on the continent has been skeptical about the Euro. But with all the political and economic turmoil happening there seems to be something else going on. Eurowastelanders are digging in. That is, if there is ever a way to make the status quo even more status quo – then leave it up to Eurowastelanders to go that route. They will bury themselves in it.

    If you think things have been all about nothing up to now, just wait for the results of the so-called “austerity” measures to start kicking in. Oh, they have already kicked in? Could’a fooled me. Everybody knew back in the day when Helmut Kohl was Chancellor that countries like Italy, Greece and Spain, etc., were gonna be the weak links. And during this whole time no one did a thing about it. In the 90s I worked for a German company, but spent almost all my productive time in Spain. The reason for that, other than all the boring business management krapp, was that the German company I worked for could get around 1) the inflexible works council that was always dogging managements decision and 2) the price of the project could be slashed by a third just by implementing in Spain. (BTW, why Spain never caught on to that type of cost-saving to entice more companies to do there projects there is a Euro-mystery probably no one wants to think about. If you ask me, Spain was and still is a great place to work. Yet the Spaniards remained steadfast in their protecting of the status quo – even though the Euro had afforded them some advantages, at least in the area of cost savings, compared to Germany. Oh, I guess the Spaniards were to also too busy complaining about how all their best beach real-estate was being purchased by foreigners. LOL.)

    But here’s what I really want to say about of all the krapp being said now about what to me has always been Eurowasteland – and the imminent failure of the Euro. The current turmoil caused by the sour grapes of Italy & Co. needs to be put in context. As bad as things are with bailing out these countries, I have to ask one question: who bailed out Germany when it had to practically absorb a dead-beat country of over 30m die-hard communists? As the rest of Eurowasteland bitched and moaned about the evils of German economic success none of them did anything to actually improve things in their own countries – or at least break the status quo that Eurowastelanders love so much. And yet the Krauts were able to not only deal with things like the European Union, the advent of a new currency, but also integrate the failed remnants of a former Soviet state. Compared to Greece, the Germans must really, really be good at whatever it is they do! And, of course, let’s not forget, with so much intense stuff going on in Eurowasteland since their new money started down the path of dys-unification and ruin, the French think they can elect a “socialist” as president and it’s actually gonna make a difference? Wow.

    Links:

     

    Rant on.

    -tgs-

  • Losing Touch Inner National Socialist

    Potential Subtitle: Will MILFs save Eurowasteland?

    Disclaimer: I never quite finished this post. Part 2 was an attempt to finish it. Part 1 is where it all started. Sometimes, as hard as I fight to maintain them, idears just don’t cut it and I have to let them go. This post is the result of not letting them go.

    Prelude: There is an urge deep inside me to attempt, however frivolously, to rename Europe. And why not. How many names has it had since this ultimate experiment came to pass? Ok. Granted. There haven’t been that many names – but isn’t more than one too much? Let’s see. European Union. European Community. The Continent. England’s Afeared Sister. The Other Side Of The Channel. Etc. (Btw, the word sister was chosen above brother to appease the French.) Oh. And last but not least (on my list), I think Europe should be called what it really is: Babel. Or maybe not.

    FYI 1. I’ve already renamed Amerika. So. Without further postponement, here’s my suggestion for Europe’s new name – since Babel is a bit extreme.

    Boring.

    No? Something else? Ok. Let me move on.

    FYI 2. This post is the second iteration of a post that I wrote while blogging on wordpress in 2007. The whole IDEAR of this story begins after reading various articles that I found in some ill-fated research I was trying to do regarding how much Germany was mentioned on/in English language news sites. Of course, once I got through all the mentions of German economic prowess or it’s advocation of political hand-holding with France, I was actually surprised how much information is out there in English about some of the most questionably news worthy stuff. But when I looked deeper at what I had found, there was one other connection to be made. One of the articles that stood out at the time was on a TV news anchor named Eva Hermann. It was after reading about her and then seeing her actually mentioned on an English language website that I realized how important it is understanding boolean search in order to avoid being bombarded with hits about nazis.

    And now. On to the show. Oh. And btw. I eventually came up with another name for Europe.

    +++

    Part 2. (2010-07-02 03:33)

    Nothing interesting happens in Eurowasteland. Seriously. This place is completely, utterly and totally boring. Obviously the Eurowastelanders love that. I’d even go so far as to claim they lavish in their own special cesspool of boredom. I guess, because of their history, being bored means all is well. And that has to say something. Or? If I were to look at it with my special pair of spite glasses – these same glasses are owned by most immigrants – Eurowastelanders especially love the fact that their boredom means that no one has to be part of starting wars so that oil companies can profit beyond imagination. It also means that one doesn’t have to concern his or herself with the antics of Das Volk and thereby control half the population’s choice of procreation and at the same time enhance the conservative wing-nut political base that is ultimately anti-female and pro-war. Then there’s Eurowasteland debt politics – which is ultimately a war of another kind against those who must work for a living in order to have a piece of the lie that is the Euro-pie? And the list goes on. Yet all is not lost. For. There is are two things exciting in Eurowasteland – that is, two things that are not boring as hell. These things amuse beyond the humdrum of all this almost-perfected socialism, also known as social market economics. What we are dealing with here are political discourse and – are you sitting down? – MILFs. Seriously. Following the antics of not just politicians but the few and far between neo-aristocrats and media personalities, there is something that transcends even the boredom perfected by a place that has given humanity practically all the world’s political evils.

    Am I being to brash? Not sure. So let me focus first on Euro-politics. For you see, Eurowasteland is a place – due to circumstance I won’t get into – I have been forced to adopt. Since that adoption I have learned enough about the misconception and misuse of certain political IDEARS, such as the lie of social market economics. Eurowasteland opportunists aka politicians have long realized that there is an infinite source of empathy for all things that start with the word Social. This group of Automatons that are supposed to represent Das Volk seem to throw Socialism around like American’ts throw around  Patriotism. Odd how the controllers of the universe – on both sides of the Atlantic – are able to (s)pin opposing ideologies – that are ultimately the same thing – against each other. Brilliant.

    Anywho.

    Do Eurowastelanders do anything about this nothingness, this emptiness, this boredom that stems out of their love of all things political – and social? Of course not. Why should they? Most of them have long since acquiesced and accepted the lie of their Governesses, most of which are based on some form or another of aristocracy, hereditary privilege and/or the love of monarchy – and let’s not forget the goddess bitch named: nostalgia. Therefore none of Das Volk believe there really is a problem in their Euro-bubble because there is a direct comparison across the Atlantic that reassures them that bad isn’t has bad as the new bad coming out of American’t post George W. Bush. What a price the Automatons of Eurowasteland pay, though. But all is well because Eurowastelanders fill their politics with nomenclature. Take, for example, the word culture. Even though it’s a noun (just like the word Love) – it should be treated as though it is a verb. Indeed, Eurowasteland has perfected the noun-ification of everything – which ultimately means that there is no action left in anything. And so. Go to museums and look at things old and then convince yourself that they are aesthetic or their ultimate value is in a history devoid of individual responsibility. For you see, as a failed artist, I still believe that culture is something that must be infinitely renewed. It must be forever in flux. Culture must never stand still. Oh. And btw. If culture bores like life bores, then it’s time to address the free-flow of your economic juices. Oooops! I guess I’m way to late giving out that advice, eh?

    Having been born and raised in the united mistakes of American’t, I really thought I had seen it all regarding how humans can consume so much – and more importantly living for the politics that facilitates and enables that consumption. But then I expatriated to the wonders of Eurowasteland – where consuming is the same difference – but with a megalomaniacal twist. Take the automobile as an example. According to research and some personal experience, about 60% of all luxury cars consumed in the Eurowastestate of Das Volk are paid for by government. That is, in order for all the fancy Audi, BMW and Mercedes to drive on the autobahn the government has to subsidize them first. What that means is, these cars would otherwise never be consumed. In other words, the costs of cars cannot be covered by the spendable income of Das Volk (period). Alone the impact of near zero car consumption is practically an unfathomable situation that not even politics could deal with it. This requires a bit comparison, perhaps. American’ts deal with the same problem (spendable income for cars) but their answer is increasing and/or manipulating consumer credit and allowing a centralized and privileged banking system to control it. The Eurowastelanders have long since nipped the banking trick in the bud (mostly in the form of controlling consumer credit but also negating the need for speculative banking to impose itself on the economy as a whole) and so Eurowastelanders redistribute the burden of financing consumption where there is no disposable income – in this case car consumption – to the tax payer. Ultimately the tricks both sides of the Atlantic use work well. What makes them interesting though is how far each system can go without the roof caving in. Brilliant, eh! – nomatter what side of the pond you’re on.

    But the wonders of Eurowastelanders and their Governesses doesn’t stop with their love of taxation. Once Das Volk is able to get a car they have another problem. Imagine a government so big, so omnipresent, so (in)capable that it must arbitrate the legality of being able to wash a car, the existence of which could not be possible if it hadn’t controlled the taxation of its flock in order make that car in the first place. Think about what that implies – beyond the whole idear that Governesses control everything. Indeed, there is actually a law prohibiting washing cars on Sunday. (Why do I feel the need to repeat that a dozen times?) And do you know why you can’t wash your car on Sunday? Because if Das Volk could wash their cars on Sunday the entire “continent” would dissolve from the face of the earth due to the amount of surfactant the ground can (cannot?) absorb.

    (On a little tangent here. Am I the only one to ask why is it that Das Volk, who have a tradition of building great automobiles, do not have one single alternative powered car on the road? Could it have something to do with that fact that electric cars probably in their first few versions won’t be able to go through a carwash anyway. It all has to do with those batteries, you know. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for the first string of short circuits that awaits us all. Oh, and another thing while I’m on this tangent. Why is it that Das Volk does not have one alternative powered car while the Asians and American’ts do?)

    Oh. I must digress.

    So what am I getting at here with all these wild and incoherent rants about Eurowasteland, their cars, bad weather and their desire to noun-ify everything that could have political and economic meaning if the verb in it could be released? How ‘bout this: it’s all about dealing with the reality of Übergovernment. As a born and reared American’t and byproduct of a misconstrued generation that is between the boomer and the X-ers, there is something to the idear of wanting government to be… How should I put this so that any Eurowastlander will get it? (Short pause; take deep breadth.) You see, American’ts all believe in one thing and one thing only. I mean, it might be hard to believe, but they really do have one thing in common – other than that stupid pledge of allegiance. They want government to be… less. I’m not talking the same kind of mindless less that is propagated by the wingnuts of the political right in the united mistakes. The fact is, I’ve experienced both sides of the Atlantic and the Governesses the two can come up with – and it’s been an eye opening extravaganza, to say that least. Eurowasteland has a politic that is the best example yet of the Social lie fulfilled – including the lie of a functioning Übergovernment. In other words, Eurowasteland, in all her pseudo-communist, neo-aristocratic worship of heredity rights glory, has enabled and facilitated a comfort zone so great (subsidized corporate Audis for everyone – Jawohl!) that Das Volk can’t help but accept the monstrosity of a governess with huge, luscious milky teats that sometimes secrete really, really good wine.

    In contrast, so that a bit of perspective can be maintained here, while the Eurowastelanders bask in their special kind of apathetic misery blinded by the shine of Audis and BMW trademarks, Das Volk from the united mistakes must bask in a similar misery of experimental political extremism where reality is so distorted that most American’ts can no longer tell the difference between purple clouds of the mind’s eye and purple unicorns running across pools of endless political hydrocarbons. Or. Put another way. American’ts are so politically stupid that they actually believe – as a contrast to Eurowasteland’s love of Socialism – that Capitalism is a political system.

    OMFG! Have I lost you totally dear worst-reader?

    I should admit now that I spend most of my time reading and studying about American’t Übergovernment because, unlike Eurowasteland, at least the American’t side – as bad and extreme as it is – has a left-right discourse which might be stupid but it ain’t boring. Beyond that, all the political discourse of American’t – especially post George Dubya Dispshit Bush – as blatantly ignorant and reactionary as it may be, at least exists inside a place that people can identify with. I wonder at times if the Eurowastelanders have all given up on politics because they have no connection to one another – or if Brussels is just so far away from the diversity that once was Europe. Eurowastelanders have attached themselves to renewed mother-state umbilical chords. They have no desire to challenge the consequence of so much apathy and submissiveness in the context of uniting as a people. They just stay hooked to mama and in the case of Das Volk, stay hooked to sauerkraut and state funded fancy cars. Yeah, baby. Comfort is good. Sucking on wine giving teats is great, too. Oh, and everyone has healthcare that they can drive to with their fancy new A4.

    Another digression? Ok.

    Let me try to get back to what I was hoping would be a thesis (but have obviously really, really screwed up). I am gallantly failing to address the idear of discourse and boredom and how Eurocrats have used it as a form of convention to tame what was left of the wildness prior to the great wars. Discourse and boredom are two things that obviously work well together when mixed properly (by three Shakespearean witches, of course). In the right context these two elements have taken on the same happy-face symbolism as a fat buddha or a shinning tao or a t-shirt that everybody wants to wear as though every work day were casual Friday. Of the major western industrialized countries, Das Volk of Eurowasteland has proven itself to be the ultimate locomotive of controlling the train of political chaos which should be the summit of socialism. It does this through a quelling of interest by saturating a highly educated but dumbed-down Volk with the infinite beauty of boredom embodied by the misconceptions of history and culture. In fact, everything has stood so still since the advent of Eurowasteland that perhaps a new form of life has emerged. This is a life form that has nothing to do with chemical reactions or biology. It is life in the form of an idear. Seriously. Anthropologists are getting doctorates in this stuff. There is reason behind the fact that, ultimately, it was Das Volk that gave the world Karl Marx and, of course, in the form of a German maternal grandmother conversion from Jew to Russian Orthodox, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. It seems that these two men and their essence, perhaps an essence that goes as deep as DNA, is impossible to purge. And so. Eurowasteland Governesses and of course it’s newly anointed coinage that is the evil-twin of the Deutsch Mark, is all that is left. Life bureaucratic anew. The idear has become real.  Culture is at a stand still. Yes. Germans lost the war. Fascism won. And the new Führer of everything is: Boredom!

     

    Part 1. (2007-10-19 05:33)

    Suggestion for getting Eurowasteland out of the sickening boredom that is the core to its political turmoil. Hot MILFs! Yeah, baby. Put them in charge of saving Eurowasteland? Let’s bring a little excitement into this mess that is Euroboredom. Let’s talk about something that Eurowastelanders have given the world. Mothers I’d Like To Fuck. But first. Do you know why the institution of marriage no longer requires official sanctioning by religion? I mean, the Eurowastelanders did start this trend – just most other superficial and meaningless trends that have only to do with how a person looks. The reason is simple. Religion has been replaced by law – which is code for big government. Once religion lost its hold on controlling people (thanks a lot to Eurowasteland for that, too!) something had to step in to replace it. Marriage is the perfect mechanism to prevent women from running around voicing opinions that are equally as stupid as men. The planet just can’t take double the stupidity. Marriage is the single best way of controlling the female voice, not to mention all the other stuff, including – and this is very important – married men. Marriage is also the single best way of turning the brilliance of life giving nature into a commodity that can be owned – and ownership is something that women seem to adore as a form of comfort and safety. It’s just like the laws governing property ownership. Seriously. The process of procreation, btw, and just like marriage, is a process enabled and meant not to serve the species but instead to serve the Governesses that rule everything. I mean, come on, think about it. What’s the best way to preoccupy half of humanity and thereby ease the control of the other half? Turn that half into something that is completely controlled by the unforgiving consequence of biology. Who is gonna stand up and emancipate from that? Are the feminists gonna do it? I think they’re busy with something else – and it’s probably called emancipation. Yeah, baby. The best way to assure that political discourse doesn’t get out-of-hand as, let’s say, Marx & Lenin caused it to get, is to make sure that females don’t cross the line established by patriarchy. So. Let’s blog about blond, blue-eyed, hot German MILFs and how they can add some fizzle to the boredom of Eurowaste State discourse.

    The name of the anti-boredness? Eva Hermann. Talk about beauty. She has face that can make a statue cum. And. She is the author of books. A chick with a face like hers and she can write books? I gladly admit here, as statuesque as I am, she could even make a fuddy-duddy like me cum. (The book, btw, has a pink cover; just thought I’d add that for the sake of posterity.) Anywho. In 2006 Eva Hermann was promoting her newest book. Since she is a relatively famous news anchorwoman, half the promotional work was easy. The problem is, she forgot her place in the grand scheme of things. Like most stupid males that gave the world stupid (and boring) politics, our lovely MILF didn’t think twice about promoting Nazi family values in order to sell her book – which had something to do with women and children. These values, as she professed them, should be and subsequently have become part of the boring political discourse of Das Volk. Of course, my German girlfriend says, ”that’s not what she said”. What my German girlfriend fails to understand is that, often, and perhaps disproportionately, it is not what a German says that matters. What matters is what is perceived that a German says. Tough pill to swallow, eh. And most certainly not a boring pill.

    Eva Hermann is running her trap on the back of a book she wrote that is trying to push the clock back on, IMHO, releasing half the population from the chains of political stupidity and thereby – hopefully – doing something positive for mankind. On top of that, during a TV appearance, she refused to apologize for remarks she made about how much better the Nazis cared for families. Now don’t go ballistic on me for judging her book even though I haven’t read it. For one thing, my book reading list is too long and I’m simply not interested in German MILF’s writing non-fiction books with pink covers. Another thing is, this is a blog where I can write anything I want and I really like bitchin’ about (having) to live in the lie that is Eurowasteland – which generously embodied by hot blondes that would be better off making old men cum by sending them perfectly glossed promotion photos.

    I can tell you first hand that the females of Das Volk are in a pickle of a situation in this new century. Either they shut up and do what they’ve been trying to emancipate from for the paste 100 (?) years or they join the ranks of hotness that gives too many young men obsessed with Internet porn boners. Yeah, baby Euro MILFs could overwhelm servers like no other. And. I don’t think a woman like Eva Hermann are gonna help the situation that perhaps women don’t want to be placed in yet another useless corner of a political boxing ring fought by the other half.

    Fortunately Das Volk has been reared by Weiber. These Weiber literally rebuilt a defeated and bombed-out nation. So it’s really no question who in the lie that is the family of Das Volk wears the pants. Having said that, many career oriented and ambitious Weiber (my girlfriend, my ex-wife, and various other Tussies from my past) are very dominating females. (What can I say, I dig chicks that for what ever reason act like men). And that’s probably a good thing – because it’s kept me from being the starving artist that I was meant to be. On the other hand, this is the reason I am in complete contempt of females trying to get old words of the past placed in the arena of the future and dressing up such a dirty deed by utilizing the aftermath of biology. Motherhood is not an entitlement – unless, of course, you believe in the social lie that is Eurowasteland – which my best guess is exactly what a female like Eva Hermann believes (even though the press might make you think that she believes more in Magda Goebbels). It’s also well worth mentioning my disappointment in the male portion of Das Volk. The anglo world needs to add more to it’s vocabulary in order to understand how things work among Das Volk and the males that occupy it. It’s not enough to watch car commercials and learn words like Fahrvergnügen or think of the near-past misinterpretation of the word Doppelgänger or Blitzkrieg. So let me provide a word for all: Schlapschwanz. Indeed. The Eva Hermann’s and Schlapschwänze are ruling Das Volk and subsequently the mess that is Eurowasteland. And to what end?

    Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.

    Women in Eurowasteland have to play more than a duel-role these days. I’m sure to the admiration of other pacified socialist countries, Das Volk is playing the globalization game with gusto and they are admired for it. Although I’m not sure other countries can put so many luxury cars on the road the same way the same way Das Volk does it. But it cannot be overlooked how Das Volk is managing their success. They do it by assuming, based on gender, that an outdated idear is the solution. And as the game whines down, as the apex of the pyramid lengthens and stretches and the base widens and becomes more dense, there is less and less of the pie to split between the extremes. And so. The easiest of all possible political routes is adopted. Men run to their role with the assumption that they are men. How archaic and devoid of merit; how exemplary and submissive. What a perfect fit in a place joyously obsessed with Übergovernment based on women who fail to realized that procreation is no longer a wonder but instead a disease. Gender determines politics and politics determines the boredom that rules everything.

    The saying goes that the first casualty of war is the truth. If that’s the case then what is the first casualty of failed Socialism cloaked under the guise of favored Übergovernment? Isn’t it amazing how so many in the west are willing to give up the innate human right of choice and by default facilitate political boredom? In a period in history where you have to calculate whether or not you can afford a family, especially when there’s so much gluttony in our political and social system, I guess it’s no wonder that we’ve long since given up on progress and creating more and better choices (politically).

    In terms of feminism, civil rights, habeas corpus…, the irony here stinks to the hilt! And so. Das Volk try to change the subject and avoid what really is important by perverted lust for cum driving faces. Eurowasteland is struggling so intensely with trying to keep the ”family” intact while misconstrued economic policies eat away at its foundation, that there is little choice anymore for the womb-laden to decide a fate. Men, who are wrongly running the show in Germany, are Schlapschwänze. And now, according to a MILF anchorwoman, females are rightly being ridiculed for saying that Uncle Adolf and his cronies enabled families to have a nice life because you could leave your bicycle unlocked on the street and it wouldn’t get stolen. Yea. The result of too much boredom has to be stupidity.

    The whole of contemporary Eurowasteland is falling apart under the lie that is Social-Market-Economics. And all there is in the political discourse are MILFs who can run their trap a bit too much so she can sell a book with an ugly pink cover. Why doesn’t Das Volk deal with something more important? Like raise a few more taxes, create more ingenious bottle deposit schemes, or… say something very loud about why women in Islam have to be covered from head to toe. Oh. Eva Hermann, you dip-shit, why can’t you say something worthwhile to sell your book – something that might steer the political discourse in the right direction?

    -Incomplete-

    Rant on.

    -tgs-